ATOP Chapter Sixty-Five

It was rather a chilly night, for June. But the need for fresh air had become so desperate that Emma didn't even mind. Just for a moment, back there in the kitchen, she had felt suffocated.

She didn't feel like going anywhere tomorrow. But she would never dare to breathe such a thing out loud. Especially when everyone was so excited they were practically dancing with anticipation. She had run over to see her parents earlier that day, and all had been such a comfortable state of flurry and chaos in a sort of cheerful and yet feverishly excited way. Mickey was dragging suitcases down the stairs and Jim had fishing poles lining the living room couch. Donna was still baking away, packing up picnic lunches for the long drive to Michigan. She had given Emma a loaf of bread out of her supply of extras, for which Emma was relieved, for Josh had insisted upon cooking supper.

Poor, dear Josh. His heart was in the right place, but his cooking skills were rather... well... lacking. He seemed happily ignorant of this fact, or else he was in denial, for he had served up his soggy, salty pot pie casserole with a healthy dose of confidence. Emma had eaten every bite of the generous portion he gave her and thanked him for it... she hadn't the heart to criticize or even tease. He was trying so hard to help. He knew something was wrong, and he knew she wasn't feeling well... and yet he never had pushed her for answers.

She had been by to see Rachel that morning... and that had been almost too hard to bear. She loved her dear friend and her adorable nephews fiercely... but it was so hard to see Rachel swing the door happily open with a chubby, healthy little baby in her arms. And it was so hard to keep up a cheerful conversation while Rachel held that baby close and Benjie played happily at her feet with the wooden tractor Ronnie had made for him. Green, of course, because the Stewarts were staunchly a John Deere family. Ronnie had dabbled in woodcarving for years and now he was attempting to teach an overly-enthusiastic Mickey, who had already managed to nearly sever two of his fingers, on separate occasions. 

Emma hadn't stayed at Rachel's long. She had left with an incoherent sort of abrupt excuse that left her friend looking puzzled, and Benjie begging her to stay. But she couldn't. She got herself home just as fast as she could, ignoring Josh as he yelled enthusiastically from the barnyard, waving both hands as hard as he could. He had even turned a cartwheel in attempt to get her to look at him, but she had slipped inside and shut herself up in her room for a good, long while, just crying.

She was crying again... but it hardly mattered, for gentle raindrops had started to fall, hiding the teardrops that slid down her cheeks. 

Josh had attempted to clumsily clean the kitchen after supper, after ordering Emma to find a good book and get some rest. Having wreaked his own peculiar sort of havoc on the dishes, he was now banging around in the attic, in attempt to find a slightly dusty fishing pole that he couldn't wait to reacquaint himself with. As he pulled it triumphantly from a dark corner, his flashlight caught movement outside, two stories below. He stepped closer to investigate, surprised to see Emma standing out there alone, her head bowed and her shoulders bent against the rain. 

He promptly forgot the fishing pole as he rushed downstairs and slipped out the kitchen door. Emma didn't turn at his footsteps, but she spoke, her voice trembling just slightly.

"Did you find what you needed?"

"Uh... yeah," Josh frowned. "I think I've got everything. You all packed?"

Emma only shrugged. Josh cleared his throat.

"So... you gonna come inside? Or is this a new method of doing laundry, standing out in the rain?" He laughed awkwardly at this. 

"Please, Josh, I'm not in the mood." Emma sighed. 

"Oh? Since when are you not in the mood for a joke?" He grinned half-heartedly. "You okay, Em?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm fine." Emma shrugged again. She wrapped her arms around her stomach and her head drooped a little lower. 

"That your final answer or do you wanna revise it? Cuz... you don't look fine. Or sound fine." Josh stepped closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Come inside, please..."

Emma's head snapped up and she looked at Josh with eyes that seemed almost afraid. It only lasted a moment and she softened, closing her eyes and sagging against her husband with a tiny sigh. 

"I'm sorry," she murmured. "Just... tired. I... have a lot of packing to do yet, I should probably..."

"Promise me you'll get lots of rest on this trip, okay?" Josh held her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You're completely off of camp cooking duty, and don't you dare take on babysitting responsibilities the whole time." He led her inside, closing the door against the rain just as a low rumble of thunder sounded in the distance. "And you go change into something dry before you do any more packing." 

♡♡♡

It took Emma much longer than she knew it should have been to finish packing. She was stalling... dragging her feet. And poor Josh, who had promised to load up the truck that night with the bags that were slowly collecting by the front door, got tired of waiting... quite literally... and fell asleep on the couch. 

Emma finally dragged her last bag downstairs and plopped it on top of the heap. As she looked over the odd assortment of luggage, she felt a sudden rush of excitement and she grinned contagiously for a moment. This camping trip had been mostly her idea, after all. Two whole weeks of hiking and swimming and singing around campfires... it sounded lovely, didn't it? But the feeling didn't last long. She sighed, gave the suitcases a shove with her foot, and turned away.

It was nearly midnight and Emma didn't even want to think about being up at five the next morning. Or about spending several  hours enclosed in a small space with Josh and Mickey. She loved her husband, and she loved her brother, but sometimes they could just be... too much. Especially when she was so horribly, dreadfully tired. 

She paused a moment in the living room on the way towards the stairs to smile wearily but affectionately at Josh, who was lying draped over the couch at rather uncomfortable-looking angles. She poked him gently and he stirred, snoring loudly, but he didn't wake up. With a sigh, she dragged an afghan from the armchair and tucked him in. Only a little more than five hours to go before they needed to leave, there was really no point in waking him up just to drag him off to bed.

Alone in her room, Emma curled into a ball, holding tight to her pillow. Surely... surely she would be fine. This was all a mistake. Had to be. A false alarm. Even with her medical training, there were still margins of error. She just had to ignore those horrible thoughts that constantly filled her mind. Whatever had happened... she couldn't burden Josh with it. No sense in breaking his heart with what was hopefully only a mistake. It had to be a false alarm. She couldn't have... lost a baby...

She didn't know how long it was before she finally managed to drift off to sleep... but it seemed that suddenly she was awake again. And someone was standing at the foot of the bed. Someone... or something... tall and dark and misshapen. 

Emma sat bolt upright and screamed wildly. The thing lurched, as if startled. Emma clutched at the covers, her heart racing as her mind returned to consciousness and her eyes adjusted to the darkness. It wasn't a thing, it was Josh, all wrapped up in the afghan and looking remotely like a tired ghost.

"Why'd you leave me out there by myself?" He sounded ludicrously mournful and Emma was suddenly laughing. 

"Cuz you're too big and heavy to be carried to bed, you big baby," she grinned teasingly. Josh groaned longsufferingly and threw himself headlong onto the bed.

"We are gonna be dead in the morning," he mumbled into his pillow. "It's been an awful night. Had all sorts of weird dreams on the couch."

"Aw, c'mere," Emma snuggled against him, letting her eyes fall shut again. "Let's just sleep in tomorrow and maybe they'll forget to take us. We can just... I dunno. Sleep until they get back or something..." her words turned into an incoherent murmur as she slipped back to sleep.