The Squishmallow Bandits (In Progress)

     The Squishmallow Bandits

The shelves in the toy aisle held squishmallows in great quantities, tis true, but they were rapidly being emptied.

The cart being steered down the middle of the aisle got fuller and fuller as the shelves grew barer and barer, the squishmallows were squished to maximum capacity to make them all fit…..

And finally, at very long last and to the great amazement of the other shoppers going by…. Two furiously giggling Things, one hand each on the handle, pushed it ever so gingerly towards the till, quoting merrily and quite out loud “Kid, you’ll move mountains!”, going on name off a dozen odd individuals, beginning with Buxbaum, Bixby and Brey. This tickled the children in the vicinity, and confused quite a quantity of adults.

They had some trouble at the checkout. The cashier seemed to think there ought to be a limit on the amount of squishmallows one could buy. But the power of puppy dog eyes saw the turnip girls through once again and within minutes, they were in the parking lot, cramming squishmallows into every available crook and cranny of their car.

"Are you ready?" Linnaea cried as she squeezed into the driver's seat, kicking squishmallows out of the way as she did so.

"I was born ready!" Sophie yelled back from beneath a pile of stuffies. There was an identical twin to Richie on her head even, and the precious stuffed turnip, the cream of the crop, sitting squarely on the mountain that was in her lap.

Linnaea began giggling helplessly at the sight of him. Sticking the turnip on her own head, she whipped out her phone.

“Now you just freeze, I’m about to do my shutterbug act!           We need photo documentation here.”

She leaned as far over Sophie’s way as she could, squashing a couple dozen stuffies in the process, and snapped the most ridiculous selfie she could manage.

"We shall text it to the victims after they have sufficiently woken up," Sophie giggled as Linnaea showed the picture for approval.

"What, and confess our guilt?" Linnaea cried. "Never!!!"

"Heartily seconded!!" Sophie yelled as Linnaea started the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "I ain't risking duct tape a third time..." Her voice trailed off and she grinned rather foolishly. "I take it back," she added in a very small voice. "It really wasn't all that bad, y'know. Not the second time, at least..." She continued to grin foolishly into the distance a moment longer, then turned back to Linnaea, laughing again. "I can't wait to see the results of all this," and she gestured to the sea of squishiness in which she was drowning.

Linnaea grinned at her, knowingly.

“Changing the subject ain’t gonna do the trick with me, girlie.” 

There was something that would have sounded exactly like a mischievous wink if mischievous winks were in the habit of making sounds.”

“Maybe we SHOULD send that picture after all, eh? ‘Course, I’m getting Eric well out of the way first, it’s only allowed to be repeated on your side of the story!”

"Fine, I won't argue with you this time," Sophie grinned. "But change the subject we must, because we'll be there soon and we must plan a strategy."

"We must," Linnaea lapsed into silence for a moment. "Well, we already know where they keep the spare key, it'll be easy as pie to get in..."

"But we gotta make sure they're asleep first..." Sophie frowned. "And we don't know how late they'll stay up...'

"Would be best if we left the car farther behind and walked to the house," Linnaea mused. "But we must tote these squishmallows somehow..."

Sophie snapped her fingers. “Y’know all those useless reusable bags they keep pushing at you in stores now?? Betcha if we look under the seat, there is a mountains of them waiting to be stuffed.”

Linnaea apparently liked this idea, if the fact that she was even then digging under the seat was reliable evidence enough.

She could not dig well enough with one arm, so she hastily pulled over and started in with both of them.

There were muffled grunts and gasps as she burrowed her way through squishmallows, upside down to make getting at the bags easier, and thoroughly out of breath.

It was with a very red face that a still-upside down Linnie reported that the seats had been found, at least, and approximately 2 minutes and much shuffling later, she turned back right-side-up triumphantly. A largely heaping and overflowed handful of bags was deposited on the pinnacle of the squishmallow mountain.

"Perfecto," Sophie laughed and snatched a bag. As Linnaea pulled back onto the road for the last short stretch of their journey, Sophie diligently squished and shoved and smashed stuffies into bags.

They abandoned the car at the edge of the lane and traipsed up to the house on foot, loaded down with countless bags of squishies. Caution was not very well exercised however, for muffled giggles and excessive whispers were heard all the way. 

In fact, it was a very odd thing that their cover was not blown long before they ever got to the house. Their victims however, were, shall we say, slightly preoccupied, and this saved the mission.

"Here's hoping they're actually asleep, " Linnaea murmured as they neared the porch. "It's not as late as it should be..."

But according to the two keepers of the house, it was plenty late enough. They’d had an exhausting day, after all, and where should they be if not in bed at 10 pm on a weekday? Rich had no qualms about going to bed a little early if it meant Nikki was right there. And Nikki was plainly exhausted, so he helped it along when she began yawning, and carried her off to bed at nine. He liked watching her sleep, it was a very relaxing sort of hobby he had. Of course, there was the unexpected side effect of putting him to sleep too, but he didn’t mind that much either. 

Twas lucky then that the perpetrators had chosen that particular day, and they began to believe in their luck as they silently crept up the porch stairs. The door was unlocked, and it opened without squeaking. Even better luck. But upon stepping inside, their luck took a sharp turn south as Sophie moved forward too carelessly and stumbled over the boots Rich had left lying inside the door. She almost went down, but managed to save herself at the last moment. Both girls froze in terror and stood still as statues for a full two minutes. During those two minutes, they found it was dreadfully hazardous to look at each other whilst attempting to be quiet. Muffled giggles were as bad as stumbling.