Sunstorms and Shadows

                      Sunstorms and Shadows

He eyed her. Signs were fair. He’d been keeping careful watch…. And the full 3 week forecast had proved even fairer. He was gonna do it. Squalls did not blow out of clear blue skies. But sunshine did….

And speaking of sunshine…. The sky was not the only place it was shining from. It shone from blue eyes…. It lit masses of curls that caught it and glistened distractingly.

And…. Well, he could not afford distractions today.  But he did love that sunshine (;

He lifted his face to the sky, whistling as he parked the tractor. It was gonna be a good day... he could feel it. He couldn't wait to talk to her... couldn't wait to hear her say... yes. And there she was, down on the ground, waving a cheery hello at him. He swung himself down, his heart and eyes alike dancing. He wanted to pull her into his arms right now... but he had to ask her first.

He grinned to himself. He knew the ways of her now, he would use ONLY the right words…. He’d had them planned out and playing in his head for the past week…. He was amazed she hadn’t seemed to notice anything different about him…. He’d been alternately floating on air and scared spitless for every day of the last week. 

She looked up at him quizzically, a curious little smile tweaking her mouth. “What’re you grinning at, mister?”

"Oh," he said nonchalantly, grinning wider. "The sunshine." He was staring fixedly at her and she laughed. "The sunshine is up there," she waved at the sky. He shrugged. 

"I know. But not all of it is up there..."

"Huh." She put her hands on her hips and cocked her head sideways. 

"Ever heard of reflection?" He was grinning so hard he was afraid his face would split. But he couldn't help it. She rolled her eyes and grinned back at him. "Sunshine in blue sky, reflecting sunshine in blue eyes..." He hit the mental brakes. Too much, too soon... "Y'know what," he tried another alley. "I'm a pretty lucky guy."

"Are you?"

"Yup. A lucky guy and a happy one. And I'm happiest when I'm with you.”

"What are you getting at?" she raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

And he had to ask her right. He knew now that words made a big difference with her.

“Ohh, just facts.” He waved a hand nonchalantly, as if the rest of his life didn’t depend on the next couple minutes.

“You know…. Sun and sky belong in the same sentence, always will. Just sounds good….” He saw her getting confused. 

So, with what he hoped was his very best and most disarming special smile…. He said it.

“Nikki…. Can you see US always belonging in the same sentence? Because if that’s where you are…. That’s the only place I ever want to be.”

She stared at him, stunned. For a moment she just opened and closed her mouth as if she was trying to say things but she couldn't find the things that needed to be said. And finally, a word came out... just one word... but it wasn't said in the tone he hoped to hear it.

"Us??!"

"Yes..." he stepped forward. "Us. Me and you. Together... forever..."

"Are you... saying... what I think you're saying??" Her eyes suddenly stopped shining and the sun seemed to disappear. He felt his heart clench and his stomach turn. But he didn't give up hope... not yet. She still hadn't answered him.

"Depends on what you think I'm saying," He tried to say it teasingly but it kinda seemed to fall flat and he kicked himself mentally.

"Us... Rich... I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again. There isn’t any us, okay? We're good friends, you and I, and I like it that way. But us... can never be." 

She was starting to look positively stormy and he felt suddenly terrified. His head was spinning wildly.

"Nikki... listen. Please. I... I want you to marry me..."

She turned on him almost fiercely and the blue eyes snapped. He stepped back, involuntarily. 

"No." she said firmly. "No."

“Impossible doesn’t become possible just cuz someone swallows too much—sunshine,” (there was what sounded like an angry hitch in her words here) 

“Just…. Do me a favour and go swallow some cloudcover, okay?? And don’t talk to me. Just…. Go. Forget about this.”

Rich turned to stone. He stood there for a long moment, just staring at her. But he didn't speak. Not one more word. And then with a stiff nod, he turned heel and walked away. Left his tractor parked there, left Nikki standing there, staring after him. And then he was gone.

                                                ~ * ~

They had just finished making their third mountain of sandwiches in one week—and none too soon, because Eric had forgotten to take a lunch and came back on account of he had been in too much of a hurry to eat breakfast that morning.

Eric had just said something about people who didn’t have the good sense to see that mustard belonged on roast sandwiches (this pointed at sundry other people, because the sandwich makers were merely following orders) when he stopped at the window, startled.

Then the door swung open.

A chameleon stood before them. Well, a Rich. A Rich who was turning colours rapidly, white to green to red and back to white again. He stood there for a frozen moment.

“Hey Eric, throw me the keys, willya? I need the truck.” This was a voice not even Eric had ever heard out of him before, a terrible, bloodless voice.

He would’ve gone back out the exact moment Eric tossed them to him, but Eric stopped him before he could.

“Hey, buddy…. What gives?”

Rich stopped. He looked up. And in the same hollow, sick voice, he put it in layman’s terms.

“She said no.” 

And he was gone. They heard the truck roar out of the driveway and back onto the field…. In the opposite direction from where he’d left the tractor. To the creek.

Linnaea dropped the sandwich that was in her hand. It splattered on the floor, but she didn't move. Sophie looked at her, she looked back at Sophie, and together they looked at Eric. His lips were set in a firm line and his eyes were clouded over. With one hand he reached for his ball cap sitting on the corner and with the other hand, he snatched up the bottle of barbeque sauce.

Barely realizing what he was doing, Linnaea tried to say something, but she ended up just staring. Staring in absolute shock and disbelief as he squeezed a generous amount of barbeque all over his hat. And with a resolute look on his face, he chomped down on the hat.

And then she choked. And spluttered with hysterical laughter, tears narrowly averted. Until, of course, both she and Sophie proceeded to laugh til they cried all over again, whilst he gamely gnawed away, making faces when the bbq sauce ran out. 

She gasped with laughter. “Okay, okay, enough!! You’ve shown us you’re a man of your word, now stop before I die!”

“Stop, for goodness sake stop….”

They were both mere inches from rolling on the floor now, and this seemed alarmingly like it spurred him on. He didn’t stop—not right away, at least. He took another determined chomp, managed to get a small shred loose, and swallowed. Linnaea thought she was going to faint. This was a guy who really and seriously meant it when he said stuff!!!

In another minute of solemn chewing, Eric had worked a hole in the side of his hat. And still he kept going, to the girls' amazement and detriment. Sophie was too far gone, she couldn't speak. She collapsed against the counter, her head down, laughing so hard she was about to split.

"Stop, Eric... Stoooop..." Linnaea gasped between bouts of hysterical laughter. "You're gonna make yourself sick! Eric... I mean it..." And with that, she reached over and snatched the hat right out of his hand.

"I believe you," she grinned. "You kept your promise. And now..."

He nodded, knowing what she was going to say before she said it.  "I'll go find him."

“What about…. Should we….”  She couldn’t quite finish her sentence. So again, he finished it for her.

“Come? Y’know what, I think he’s gonna need that later…. But he’d think he had to keep a front up for you right now, where he can yell or say nothing or even take a swing at me. Think I’d better go alone now.”

"You're right," Linnaea murmured, giving Eric a tiny smile. "Good luck, lots of it, and prayers, lots of 'em."

"Thanks," he smiled back, half-heartedly, before rushing out the door.

And the sidebyside roared out of the yard just like the truck had.

He found Rich without much trouble... He was standing by the creek, staring into the water. He didn't look up when Eric approached, just bent and, picking up a stone, sent it sailing at the water. It didn't skip, just sank immediately. Rich dropped both his arm and his head. His shoulders were slumped.

"Hey," Eric said quietly. Rich said nothing. Eric took his cues from that. He didn't ask questions, didn't press for details, nothing. He just stood beside his friend, staring out at the water.

They stared for a long time.

Suddenly, Rich snatched at another pebble and hurled it furiously into the water. It wasn’t meant to, but it skipped. And with that, something flipped a switch in him.

He turned on Eric fiercely.

And he ground out the words. “What was that? If she didn’t mean any of it, why bother?? Makes you think you have a chance, that’s the worst part.” He snorted. “Tell me I didn’t imagine all that.” 

He suddenly grabbed Eric’s shoulder and shook it angrily. And Eric let him. The hand fell. The fury fell with it. And a cold, sick feeling was all that was left.

“Everything, all these months. Smiles that never land that far off the lightning bolts she pitches, a storm when you think you’re just safe.”

"She doesn't make any sense..." he groaned. "I thought... I thought she... loved me... her eyes... seemed to say it..." He clutched at his stomach, his face turning whiter still. And he sank to the ground, burying his face in his hands. He was quiet again... but he almost seemed to be crying. 

Eric lowered himself to the ground beside his friend, wishing he knew what to say. He had been sure of Nikki himself. Sure, she was temperamental, and she had given Rich an awfully hard time of it... but all in all, she had seemed to care. Did she even know it? Did she know her eyes lit up when Rich was around, did she know she smiled wider when she was with him, did she realize she seemed happier and brighter in his presence than anyone's? What was wrong with her?

Unless, he realized with a start, she really didn’t know it…. In which case, that girl was gonna wake up with a jolt when Rich was gone. Because he wouldn’t stay, Eric knew that. Not here, not after this.

As if reading his thoughts, Rich lifted his head suddenly and his eyes were filled with tears. Eric was half-startled... he had never seen him cry before. Ever.

"I gotta go," Rich mumbled. "Can't... can't keep working here, not when she's here... Can't keep seeing her when I can't have her."

Eric nodded. “Gonna miss having you round here..."

The door opened slowly. 

Eric had come back a little bit ago, just saying what Rich needed now was thinking time, and he always did that best on his own. Nobody had talked much since then.

And, judging from the fact that Rich had stepped through the doorway, and was now a solid white without the red and green….

The girls saw, with sinking hearts, that he HAD thought. And he had come to a conclusion.

Nobody knew what to say. And so no one said anything, not for a while. Rich looked at all of them, and he tried to grin, but the grin wobbled and fell. He was still on the verge of tears and he barely knew what to say himself. 

"Uh... just came to... get my stuff," his voice was choked. "Gonna go home tonight... Jim... I'll be back in the morning, finish out the week for you, kay? Sorry I... can't stay..."

He brushed past them on his way to the room he and Eric had been sharing…. And in two minutes flat, he came back out of it, and closed the door firmly. As if there was something inside he didn’t want to let out.

“Rich?” There was a half-whisper when he reached the door, gaining volume with each of the extra syllables he’d never known his name had before.

Linnaea rushed at him, tears spilling from her eyes. He turned to her, startled, as she threw her arms around him and hugged him hard. Sophie was on her heels, hugging him on the other side. 

"We're sorry, Rich," Sophie whispered, holding him tight. "So sorry."

"We're gonna miss you," Linnaea added, her voice breaking. 

He nodded, not trusting his voice. He was afraid he was gonna cry again.

He all but ran out to the truck when they let him go. Because like it or not, the tears were crowding in, and he’d rather be safely out of the yard where She definitely wouldn’t happen by and see, when they came.

He had to admit, though, for Turnip Girls, they gave pretty good hugs.

                                              ~ * ~

She bit her lip, gripped the steering wheel, not even realizing she was digging into it with her fingernails. She was leaving marks behind. Glancing out the rearview mirror, she surveyed her crooked rows and grit her teeth. With a cry of frustration, she hit the brakes and left the tractor idling, right there in the middle of the field. She lowered her head until it bumped the steering wheel and then shot up again, rubbing the side of her face ruefully. That's what she needed... a few more good knocks in the head. Because it had been betraying her, and every five minutes she lost her concentration as Rich's grin flashed through her mind... and his words... "Happiest when I'm with you... if that's where you are... that's the only place I ever want to be... us... me and you... together... forever..."

A pickup tore out of the driveway, startling her. She swallowed hard. She knew that truck…. And she knew the driver. 

With a guttural moan, she pushed the gear shifter back into drive, and looked studiously away. Tried to look…. She couldn’t actually see much.

She couldn’t think about this…. And she wouldn’t think about it. Gritting her teeth, she reached up and cranked the radio.

A song filtered out, an upbeat country song... she didn't really pay attention to it... until suddenly the words seemed to be aimed right at her. And somehow... they hurt...

"Oh, you're a pain to be around, oh, but you're on my solid ground... oh, you're the only one who knows... that when I say go, I'm hoping that you'll stay..."

She switched the radio off quickly, cutting the singer off, mid-line. She glanced toward the driveway again... the truck had vanished from view. Starting up the tractor again, she lurched forward, making her row crookeder than ever before. 

"Go... stay..." she laughed bitterly to herself, angry at the song. "I told him to go and I meant go! And now..." she laughed again, humorlessly. "Now he's gone..." 

She was leaving an extra set of marks in the steering wheel, beside the first ones.

                                                ~ * ~

It had been a long night, and he looked it. So did she, for that matter, but he was so busy looking at tractors and Jim and everyplace else that he didn’t see it.

Somehow Nikki had finished every last corner of the field before dark yesterday, and that meant that today was moving day. They’d done all the fields nearby already, which meant only the piece outside of town was left. Which, in turn, meant all the tractors would need walking out to it.

It had been a miserable morning. Rich had showed up late and exhausted and had gone about what he was supposed to do without so much as one word to anybody. Somehow he had managed to avoid her up till now, but now they had to go and he had to face her. Their eyes met for one moment... he turned white and she turned red... and then both looked quickly away. Hardly even waiting for everyone to finish planning the rest of the day, he swung himself up into the first tractor and sat there looking riotously impatient. 

He had stayed away from everyone, but Eric followed him to the tractor now, climbing half up to talk to him through the door.

"Hey... how's it going?" he grinned half-heartedly and Rich shook his head. 

"I'm worn out," he sighed, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. "Gotta get this week over and then... well... I dunno what then. I'll figure something out..." his voice trailed off. Truth was, he couldn't stand the thought of going on... of living all the rest of his life without her. Alone. Cause he knew for certain that there was only one girl in the entire wide world for him... a girl with stormy blue eyes and the prettiest curls he had ever seen... the thought made his heart ache. And he decided that staring off into space was no good... he saw her face there. And so he turned back to look at Eric. And he looked at him funny, raising one eyebrow.

"What on earth happened to your hat, buddy?" he frowned. "Dog get ahold of it?"

"Huh? My hat?" Eric yanked his hat off and looked studiously at the hole in the side. "Well... whaddya know about that... guess I'd better get myself a new hat, eh?" he laughed and stuck the hat back on his head. "We're out of barbeque sauce, y'know..." he didn't give Rich a chance to say anything about that confusing statement. He climbed back down and waved from the ground. "See ya when we get there!"

Jim, seeing what had just happened, mercifully gave him the signal to get on the road. They had to space the tractors anyway, it wouldn’t make that big a difference if he headed out before the rest.

Nikki’s tractor was the next to go, Eric and Bekah, each in their respective tractors, fell in line behind her. 

Jim passed them all on the road so he could get some fixing done in the Cat while they slowly crawled along there. Half an hour at 15 kmph was a long time, and the schedule didn’t wait for it!

Bringing up the rear was one blue pickup, flashers on and radio up as it crawled along behind the tractors to warn oncoming traffic. And whoever was in it, they were NOT sitting very still. Not being very quiet either. It took the combined efforts of wind and tractor both to drown them out, in fact.

You might say they were just a little distracted. Teaching a midwesterner to sing Northern Girl can do that to people.

But it resulted in them not noticing the big truck behind them until it had nearly caught up, and with a startled gasp, Linnaea caught sight of it in the mirror.

“Boy, he’s coming in fast…. Hope he knows how those brakes work, he can’t even see past all the tractors!”

“Sure hope there’s no one coming.”

And her face turned a little white, even though her voice tried to stay fairly normal.

"No... Linnie... he's gonna pass... there's barely enough room!" Sophie gripped the dashboard as the truck moved out into the opposite lane. Reaching over Linnie’s arm, she slammed on the horn. The truck never stopped... and it was going too fast. Much too fast.

There were twin tremulous sighs of relief when Bekah managed to swing off the road and let him pass. Eric had been watching her, and did the same…. And then Nikki too. 

And then time stopped.

The truck passed…. Everything was going to be fine, it was just a bad scare. 

But then the driver steered all too sharply back into the right lane. And the trailer caught.

Nikki heard the pickup horn going off behind her... just one long unending blast... she glanced back, saw Eric pulling over behind her, saw the truck coming, coming much too fast. Frantically she jerked the wheel, making it safely to the side. And now she was angry... seething with rage, she opened her mouth to yell at the driver, even though he couldn't hear her anyway. But the truck was swerving back into the right lane just ahead... and suddenly, something was wrong. Very wrong. She heard it, she saw it, but she couldn't believe it...

There was the grinding scream of metal on metal, and the world flipped on its side. HER world flipped. She slammed on the brakes as she watched in horror, an inadvertent sobbing scream wrung out of her.

Rich’s tractor lay flat on its side, spinning in sickening circles…. Dizzy, furious circles.

Everything went silent for one, long, achingly-painful eternity. The horn stopped honking, the screech of metal and tires dulled... she was out of her tractor before she even realized she was moving. People were rushing past her, running to the fallen tractor... she couldn't look. She couldn't even seem to walk... her legs weren't working, her knees were wobbling... she was going to be sick. Pressing a hand to her heart, she choked out gasping sobs, staring as if transfixed at the crushed heap of metal where Rich... but she couldn't think it.

She couldn’t make herself move…. But someone moved her back from the road, she didn’t know who.

The police were there now. The ambulance…. They were taping off the scene of the accident. The ambulance made her choke. He wouldn’t—

This couldn't be real. It couldn't be happening. She refused to believe it. It must be some kind of a nightmare. She wouldn't even think of a world without Rich in it... the thought of it was too horrible to bear. How... how would she live without him? She felt her knees giving way and she sank to the ground, on the ditch beside the road, unable to tear her eyes away from the horror in front of her. Why hadn't they taken him out yet? How long was it going to take? She didn't want to see him when they did get him out... and yet... she couldn't look away. But the scene was blurred by the tears spilling from her eyes.

Someone came up behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off. She didn't want sympathy, she didn't want anyone to talk to her. She wanted them all to leave her alone. It hurt... it hurt so bad... she didn't want anyone to know how bad. But the someone behind her didn't go away. And suddenly, she was wrapped in someone's arms, so tight it almost knocked the breath out of her. Someone was lifting her to her feet. Someone's cheek was pressed against hers. Struggling wildly, she managed to twist in his arms so she could face him... and her heart almost stopped beating.

In fact, it did stop beating. For three seconds, three seconds that were longer than most millenniums…. It stopped. And then it gave a lurch unlike anything she had ever felt before.

It was HIM. It was Rich…. It was…. he was… he wasn’t…. No, he WAS!!!!

With a moan like a suppressed shriek that went straight to his heart arrow-like, she crumpled in his arms, and they went down again.

But it told him everything he needed to know…. The blue eyes hadn’t been lying to him, they’d been lying to themselves.

And they shone with the truth now, close as he could tell behind the tears that alternately swam and spilled.

"You... you're alive..." she whispered. "You're okay?"

He laughed. Was he okay? Absolutely, he was okay, but he didn't know how. He hadn't the least idea what just happened back there. All he knew was that he suddenly hadn't been in the tractor anymore, he had been on the ground and running, and looking back behind him in shock as the tractor was thrown on its side by the force of the blow.

He didn't know what to say to her, in fact, he didn't know if he could even speak. So he didn't try. He just pulled her closer, staring deep into those shining blue eyes  brimming with tears... and he kissed her.

He kissed her long and deep…. And then HE almost toppled…. Because she kissed him back. And it tasted of pain, and sorrow, and regret, and…. She loved him. She loved him…. Forever.

They had forgotten about everything... at that moment they were the only people who existed in the entire world. And Rich thought he was going to die after all... die with happiness when she murmured,

"Us, Rich. You and me... together... forever..."

And suddenly he was crying too. He pulled her against his heart, rocking back and forth as she whispered "I'm sorry's"... It didn't matter any more. What was one day of horrible pain compared to this? He thought he would burst with the wonder and the happiness of it all.…

They must have stood there like that for two minutes…. But it felt like an both eternity and a heartbeat. 

He kissed her again. Just because he could. He had a feeling he’d be doing a lot of that in the next while. The next while going on into forever.

Reluctantly, he lifted his head. And jumped. There was…. A ring of people standing around them. A big ring. And the ring began applauding. Half of them in utter confusion, but none the less  heartily.

"This is him?" a police officer was saying and Sophie and Linnaea were simultaneously bouncing up and down and declaring him to be. The officer laughed and looked at Rich.

"Richard Wiens?"

"Yup," Rich grinned and it was the first he'd grinned in a long while. Nikki laughed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I dunno how, but I'm here..."

And at that, the circle closed in on them, practically smothering them with hugs and tears.… A lot of tears, all of them happy.

He was nearly knocked over when each and every guy present slapped him on the back with gusto.

But then he froze. His smile froze. He turned back to the police officer. “What happened to the guy in the truck, is he okay?”

The officer was incredulous. 

“You just walked away from what could have been the end of your life, and you’re asking about the guy who nearly killed you?”

Rich scratched his head. “It does sound strange when you say it like that. But I saw his face as he passed me…. There was something wrong... awful wrong. I don't think he even realized what he was doing..."

The officer sighed. "The truck flipped off on the other side of the road... they're still working to get him out. He seems to be... unconscious... we don't know how hurt he is yet."

Rich stilled. “Let me see him before you take him, okay?”

The officer sighed again. This guy REALLY was not normal. But then, after what just happened, maybe he had a right to be a little strange. “I’m afraid that won’t be possible, we’re going to have to get him straight to the hospital.”

Eric laid a hand in Rich’s shoulder.                                      “We can see him once they have him stabilized.”

He turned to the officer. “Here’s my number…. Have the hospital call when he wakes up, please. It’s important.”

The officer nodded, taking the number. “Sure, we can do that." 

He walked back to the scene and, in a few minutes more, the ambulance was speeding on its way to the hospital, siren screeching. Rich was standing still as a statue, watching it go. Nikki wrapped her arms around his waist and he buried his face in her curls.

"We'll pray for him," Nikki whispered. "We're gonna be okay, Rich."

He laughed into her hair.

“Yeah, I think…. I think we are, Sunshine.”