ATOP Chapter Fifty-Three

Silence could sometimes be a beautiful thing. The kitchen was so quiet in the late afternoon, the warm and golden April sun shining through the windows. The only sounds that could be heard were the clatter of dishes on the countertop and the occasional snatches of Shonie's soft humming. Surrounded by people she knew she could trust, the tiny girl simply seemed to melt into her surroundings, content to live in the background. Safety and stability were what she needed most, and she felt them here. 

"Do you remember the smell of cinnamon?" Rachel's voice was only a murmur. She always spoke so quietly around Shonie... afraid to shatter that fragile sense of calm. 

"Mm-hmm..." Shonie smiled. She had such a tiny smile, and yet it was the biggest she had. It was beautiful. Rachel loved seeing it. 

"Such a comforting, homey smell..." Rachel sighed happily. "Let's add more, shall we?" She shook the bottle over the bowl of batter. Shonie smiled again and mixed the cinnamon in... so slowly and gently, the way she did everything.

"Perfect, Schatzie," Rachel grinned. "You shall be the most wonderful little cook."

Shonie finished scooping the batter into the muffin tin and hopped down from her stool. The Bible storybook Rachel had given her the day after they arrived home had never been far from her side. It was sitting on the kitchen table now and she rushed to scoop it up, hugging it close. 

"Do you want me to read more?" Rachel slid the muffins into the oven and dusted the flour from her hands. Shonie had flipped the book open and was paging through it. She paused at the picture of a man surrounded by children. He was smiling at them, kind eyes shining with love as He beckoned to them, holding out His hands... "You want to hear the story of Jesus again?" Rachel's smile grew wider. "Dear little sister. Come, sit with me."

"This is ridiculous," Rebekah's voice echoed through the hall as the front door slammed shut. "They did it anyway... I told them not to, and they did it anyway..." she dropped a paper on the table as she entered the kitchen, her eyes flashing. "Look at that, Rachel. They got your wedding picture. How in the world did they get your wedding picture?"

"My... my what?" Rachel snatched up the paper, staring at it in astonishment. "Ohio farmer declared war hero... That is a picture of Ronnie... jah, my wedding picture... Bekah, what is this?"

"They do not understand, no one understands, I am so weary of people who do not understand," Rebekah flung herself into a chair. "You cannot let him go to that ceremony, Rachel. He knows it, but he thinks he has to go, tell him he does not have to go..." Her voice trembled. She sounded half on the verge of hysteria. "What is that, Shonie, what book do you have there?" She jumped from the chair again, rounding the table to bend over her sister's shoulder. 

"Rebekah, please..." 

"You do not understand either, you have forgotten everything..." Rebekah backed away from Rachel. "These stories of a false Messiah, you believe them... this food you make... last night, milk and meat at the same meal... cheese with the sausage... it is not even Kosher, is it?" She paused, casting an agonized glance towards the oven. "Is it, Rachel?!"

"It is not," Rachel answered quietly. "But we do not eat pork."

"Of course not," Rebekah laughed without humor. "You would not go that far, would you? Tell me, Rachel, do you still observe the Passover? Rosh Hashanah? Hannukah? Or do you celebrate Christmas now?"

"Rebekah..."

"I do not want to keep eating non-Kosher," Rebekah clenched her hands into fists. "I am a Jew, Rachel, a Jew, and I intend to stay one."

"I have never stopped being a Jew," Rachel whispered. "I would never give up my heritage... it is the highest honor to be one of God's chosen people... and yet... an even higher honor to receive His free gift of grace and salvation."

"But if you have refused to follow God's law and accepted a false Messiah, how can you continue to claim that heritage? And now you are telling Shonie these lies..." She snatched the storybook from Shonie's hands and glared at it in disgust. "Why must everything keep on changing? Will I never have any foundation in my life?" She hurled the book against the wall as hard as she could and ran from the room. 

Shonie slipped from her chair and fell to her knees on the floor as she gathered up the book and held it against her heart. She whimpered slightly, bowing her head as tears filled her eyes. Rachel had started up halfway through Rebekah's angry words, but decided not to follow her. 

"You are only making things worse," she muttered to herself angrily. "It gets worse and worse and worse... Dear Lord, help me..." 

♡♡♡

Rebekah lay motionless on her bed, face-down, gritting her teeth. She would not cry, she would not cry. Tears were for cowards. No tears for her. She would make it through this, just as she had made it through everything, and she would be alright somehow. At least Shonie was safe. She had risked her life for her little sister so many times she had lost count long ago. She had never minded that burden of responsibility, of protection, she was thankful that she could step into that role during those nightmare years... but now that the burden was lifted, she realized how heavy it had been. Shonie was safe now, she was warm, and she was fed. Even if the food was not Kosher. 

She writhed in another flash of sudden anger, the mental picture of Shonie nestled happily in Rachel's arms running across her mind. She was losing her little sister. Losing her to her older sister's newfound Aryan ways and to her false Messiah. 

"You will have to let her go, you know," she whispered to herself and the mere thought made her want to ram her head into the wall as hard as she could. Scene after scene flashed through her memories... all those Hebrew prayers she had prayed with Shonie, the Passover and Hannukah and Rosh Hashanah they had somehow kept in the midst of squalor and misery. Those beloved traditions... although they lacked the glory and splendor of her formal life... they kept her going. She felt God with her then. And now she felt Him slipping away from her... was He rejecting her for her unfaithfulness to her heritage? Or... or was she the one slipping away?

She sat bolt upright, her heart pounding wildly. She had to get away from here. She had to get to Israel. Was there any way at all? Her dream... it had been so close... almost within her reach... just a little more time, and when Rachel showed up at Zeilsheim, she would have been gone and safely on her way to the Promised Land. 

We will rise again... Look at them... look at those Aryans with their blond hair and their blue eyes... those Aryans who think they own the earth... They do not know, do not understand... we are the stronger race, the superior people, we were chosen by God from the beginning... we have descended from true heroes... men and women who stood on the side of the Lord and rose and conquered and triumphed gloriously... we will rise again... 

Jakob had dreamed of going to Israel too. They had planned it together, huddled on opposite sides of the high barbed wire fence, whispering treasonous words against their captors. Sometimes they laughed together. They knew a secret. They knew the weakness of the Nazis. They knew this torture was only for a time... and their people would rise again to conquer and to triumph...

"They will lose this war, those fools, and we shall go to the Holy Land, to the land our fathers walked... and we will rise again. Think of it, Shonie! And you shall go with me, and together, we will rise. It will be glorious."

Those words... they sounded funny in the bleak horrors of Ravensbruck. But they kept her alive. And through her, they kept Shonie alive. And Jakob... 

But Rebekah could not think of him. He was gone now. Best to leave the past in the past, best to look to the future... 

And the future did not lie here, in this strange, foreign land. It lay halfway across the world... in the land of holy promise.

The door opened slowly. Rebekah did not turn towards it, but she recognized the dainty little footsteps. And she almost smiled, just knowing that those dusty, bleeding little bare feet were now clad in sturdy, brand-new shoes. The ragged striped pajamas were gone now... her little sister wore a beautiful dress, all covered over in tiny pink flowers... and a matching ribbon was tied in her short locks. Ah, and those beautiful black waves would grow again... 

She looked up at Shonie's wordless murmur. Her sister was holding something, clenched tightly in both hands. She moved timidly towards the bed and held it out hesitantly, her big black eyes almost pleading. 

"What do you have, dearest Shonie?" Rebekah accepted the little book and her heart skipped a beat. The cover was embossed with a beautiful golden Star of David and bore the single word Tanakh. The Holy Scriptures. "Where did you get this?" Rebekah breathed in awe as she opened the cover reverently to find a beautiful signature on the front page... Wilhelm Adler. 

"Dear, dear Papa," she pressed her lips to the name. "How I wish you were here..." she blinked furiously. Those forbidden tears were threatening to fall. 

"Mmm..." Shonie climbed up on the bed beside Rebekah and leaned over to flip through the pages. She stopped with one tiny finger resting on words of the prophet Isaiah. 

"Shall I read, dear one?" Rebekah looked to the words and read aloud, slowly, murmuring those precious words. 

"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted." She glanced up at Shonie, who was listening with bowed head. "Why this, Shonie? This... this is prophecy of our Messiah... our true Messiah... the Saviour who shall come and redeem Israel..." Shonie made no sign of an answer and Rebekah read on. 

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes... we... are healed..." 

She let her voice trail off into a whisper. Shonie slipped thin arms around her and she pulled her little sister close, pressing the dark head against her heart.

"Shonie, please," Rebekah blinked back the tears again, threatening them silently. She would not dare to let them fall. "Please..." she didn't know what she was asking. Shonie curled up against her... she was crying, dear little girl... and yet she was humming... one of her beautiful, wordless songs... Rebekah let her eyes fall shut. 

All those long, long, dreary years... when she was this little one's sole protector... thinking herself a fierce warrior, hadn't she? And yet Shonie, in her feeble strength... had given back so much more than either girl had ever realized. And Rebekah knew that she could not go... not even to follow her dearest dream... not without her sister.