ATOP Chapter Forty-Seven

Someone was screaming in the darkness...

Rachel's eyes flew open and she sat bolt upright in bed with a gasp. Rishona cried out in her sleep, clutching at her arm. She was sobbing, shaking in terror... and Rebekah was standing frozen in the center of the room, standing like a statue with wide, horrified eyes.

"Bekah? What is it, what is wrong?" Rachel shook her head, trying to clear the sleep from her mind. The screaming was horrible... horrible... like someone was in terrible pain...

"I do not know..." Rebekah's voice wavered. For the first time since their reunion, she sounded horribly uncertain and afraid. 

"Ronnie..." Rachel breathed, trying to disentangle herself from Rishona's death grip. "Dear God, please..." she stumbled from the bed, scooping Rishona up... she could not bear to leave the girl's side. She was trembling like a leaf in the wind of a storm, and yet she held onto Rachel with a strength and ferocity that was almost unbelievable.

Holding her littlest sister close against her, Rachel fumbled with the door to the adjoining room, chancing a backward glance at Rebekah. She had fallen to her knees and sat there motionless, her face buried in her elbows, her hands clenched into fists above her head. 

"Dear God, help me..." Rachel choked back a sob as she managed to open the door. "Ronnie, please! Shonie... Bekah, help me!"

There was no answer from Rebekah. And Shonie only clung tighter. She whimpered in fear as Rachel stumbled towards Ronnie. Rachel had never heard him cry out like this before. She was almost afraid to touch him, he was thrashing so hard... and she couldn't get Rishona to let go of her long enough to be set down.

"Ronnie, please, please," she sobbed, shifting Shonie sideways to free one arm. Reaching out, she managed to grab his wrist and held on tight as he fought her. "Come back to me, Ronnie, please..."

Rebekah was at her side now and she pulled Rishona from Rachel's arms, speaking in stern Hebrew... Rachel realized vaguely that Rebekah only spoke to the girl in pure Hebrew... not Yiddish. And her voice was angry... she seemed to be scolding. When Rachel glanced back, she saw Rebekah carrying Rishona back to the other room.

"Mercy, Abba Father," Rachel gasped as she gripped Ronnie's other wrist and forced his arms across his chest with a strength she didn't know she had. "Please..."

His eyes were open now and he was staring right at her, unseeingly... She tightened her hold on him, shaking him.

"Ronnie, you have to wake up, do you hear my voice? This is me, this is Rachel, Ronnie, wake up!"

She knew this familiar pattern by now... she knew when he was out of it, the way a shudder went through his whole body, the way his head slumped forward as he sat up. Soon would come the apology, words of remorse forced through trembling lips. She hated that he tried to apologize every time... hated that he felt guilty for this. Didn't he realize how much she understood?

"Rachel..." he choked out her name as she pulled him towards her, wiping away the sweat that trickled down his forehead. "Rachel, I..."

"Stop. Don't." She laid her fingers against his lips and leaned forward to rest her head on his shoulder. "Not this time. I know you feel bad, but I need you to know that this is not your fault."

"Rachel, I can't do this..." he was crying. "I'm not fit to be a husband or a father... I can't help it... I can't stop the nightmares... no matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I pray... You shouldn't have married me..."

"So help me, if you dare say anything like that ever again," Rachel grit her teeth. "You do not know your own worth. You saved my life, you pieced my family back together again... Ronald Aaron Stewart, for the sake of me and Benjie and your unborn child, pull yourself together and realize that this is not your fault. We can work through this, we will work through this, do you hear me? See how far we have already come!"

"The girls..." Ronnie whispered. "You should go back to them... I... I scared them, didn't I..."

"They will be alright," Rachel assured him although she didn't hold half of the confidence that she tried to put into her voice. She didn't know half of what her sisters had gone through... Rebekah would hardly tell her anything... and the way they both had reacted to this nightmare had frightened her. "I am not leaving until I am sure you are alright."

"Shonie! Shonie... lechzor lekan!" Rebekah's voice cried out from the adjoining room. Rishona had slipped back through the door and was tugging on Rachel's sleeve.

"It is alright, Bekah," Rachel called back and then spoke softly to the tiny girl... "What is it, Shonie?" 

"Mmm..." Rishona murmured. Pushing past Rachel, she reached for Ronnie's hand and held it tightly. 

"You okay, Shonie?" he smiled vaguely and she shook her head. Clambering up on the bed beside him, she found his other hand, her black eyes searching his face. A thousand things were written in those eyes... all the things that she could not say and yet meant with all her heart. Ronnie held that steady gaze and Rachel smiled to see his shoulders fall as the tension left his body. 

"Dear Shonie," Rachel whispered. She caught a glimpse of Rebekah standing in the doorway, clutching at her nightgown, the expression on her face unreadable.

Soft humming... a beautiful, haunting melody... Rishona was singing without words. A song Rachel had never heard before. 

"No... Shonie..." Rebekah's voice cracked and she slid down against the doorway until her knees hit the floor again. Rishona kept humming, the sound of it somehow comforting in the darkness... like a lullaby... but a lullaby filled with a pain for which there was no words...

♡♡♡

Telegram from Ronald Stewart to James and Donna Stewart, March, 1947

ADOPTION IS FINALIZED AND VISAS SECURED STOP WILL BE LEAVING FOR HOME DAY AFTER TOMORROW STOP EXPECT TO BE IN JEFFERSON WITHIN THE NEXT TWO WEEKS STOP WILL CABLE FROM NEW YORK WHEN WE GET THERE STOP LOVE YOU ALL STOP RONNIE AND RACHEL

Telegram from James and Donna Stewart to Ronald Stewart, March, 1947

PRAYERS FOR YOUR SAFE JOURNEY HOME STOP MAC AND KATIE WILL BE HERE WHEN YOU ARRIVE STOP PLEASE HURRY AS THEY REFUSE TO TELL THEIR SURPRISE UNTIL YOU GET HERE STOP CANT WAIT TO HAVE ALL THE FAMILY TOGETHER AT LAST STOP SENDING LOVE FROM ALL OF US AND SPECIAL KISSES FROM BENJIE STOP HUGS FOR THE GIRLS FROM US STOP MOM AND DAD