ATOP Chapter Thirty-Three

Rachel woke with a start, sitting bolt upright in bed. Gingerly she raised a hand to her cheek, wondering what had woken her. Her face stung like... like she had been slapped. There wasn't a sound from Benjie across the hall. And Ronnie seemed to be sleeping peacefully. But as she watched him, he tossed restlessly, flinging his arm across Rachel's vacant pillow. She grinned ruefully, guessing what had happened. 

Wide awake now, she slipped from bed with the intent to go to the kitchen for a cup of tea. But Ronnie's voice stopped her in the doorway and she turned back. He was still asleep, but crying out. Again he turned over, looking almost as if he was reaching out desperately for something. She stood still, trying to decipher his muttered words. She caught the name Greg and then something else... an almost shouted command...

"Get down, get down... they'll kill you!"

In alarm, Rachel rushed to his side, kneeling beside the bed to take his hand in hers. She had hoped her touch would calm him, but he seemed to grow more desperate. Yanking his hand away, he cried out again, sounding as if he was in pain.

"It was right... it was right!" he yelled, thrashing until the blankets were in a hopeless tangle. "It was... right... right!"

"Ronnie!" Rachel shouted his name, standing to grip his shoulders, trying to shake him awake. She couldn't pull him from the nightmare. He was growing more desperate, more... violent. She was almost afraid, wondering if she should call for help. After all, his dad was only a five minutes walk away... maybe... 

"I'm not afraid to die!" Ronnie yelled suddenly and Rachel was startled to see tears streaming down his face. "I'm not... afraid..." he broke down and wept. She knew he was awake now... but still somehow in the nightmare.

"Rachel," he gasped her name, reaching out to her. "Rachel, I need you..." 

"I am here," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him. 

"Are you real?" he sobbed, burying his face in her hair. "Please tell me you're real and not just a dream. Please... Rachel... don't leave me again..."

"Yes, I am real," Rachel whispered desperately, terrified. She didn't know how to help him, didn't know what was wrong. "I am real, I am here, and I will never, never leave you. Pray with me, Ronnie... please..."

"Abba Father," he choked back a sob. "God help me!"

"Oh, Lord," Rachel murmured, her voice trembling. "We need Thy help, Father... we need it so much... Peace, Lord... peace... grant us Thy peace, Thy comfort..."

♡♡♡

"So," Emma set a steaming mug of tea on the table in front of Rachel and turned back to the stove to pull out a tray of fresh molasses cookies. She paused halfway across the kitchen for a moment, a strange expression... almost of pain... crossing her face. But she shook it off and smiled warmly at her friend. "How has it been going? Being in America, and all that."

"It... has been... different..." Rachel laughed hesitantly, curling her fingers around the mug and glancing appreciatively toward the warm cookies. "I hardly know what to say... everyone has been so good to me and to Benjie, ach my little schätzchen, I am so glad, so... ach, there is not a strong enough English word! So... joyful... he can grow up here where he is safe and happy!"

"I'll never forget the day Ronnie told us about you and baby," Emma slid the cookies onto a plate and sat down across from her sister-in-law. "It was almost the best news I had gotten during the whole war... here, try these... they're Ronnie's favorite," she pushed the cookie plate forward. "I'll get you the recipe too, if you want. There were three moments during the war that made me... oh, indescribably happy. And they were lovely bright spots in the midst of all that darkness. Well, two were bittersweet, but finding out about you was nothing but pure joy."

"And for me, it went far beyond pure joy," Rachel smiled reminiscently. "Scarcely can I remember what I felt when I saw Ronnie there in the middle of that refugee camp... I only know it was such an overwhelming happiness and relief that never, never shall I be able to describe it..." her voice trailed off and she murmured several words in German. "So... you must tell me about the other two times, jah?"

"Ah..." Emma's eyes grew distant and she leaned back in her chair. "The first was finding Scout in Normandy. I was terrified at first... I thought he was dying. Y'know... he really... was dying. God gave him a miracle that day. But I thought I would die from joy and relief when he pulled through the surgery and I saw him open his eyes for the first time. The second time... well... that was... I dunno." She sighed and propped her chin in her hands. "That was when Josh's unit found Ronnie. I... wonder about that sometimes..."

"Ronnie refuses to talk to me about it," Rachel's eyes grew dark. "That was why I wanted to talk to you, actually. I knew you had taken care of him when they found him... I thought maybe you would know something about... about whatever happened. He... he had such schrecklich... whatever that is in English... horrible... awful nightmares last night... it frightened me. And when I asked him, he would not say a word."

"Oh, I dunno, Rachel," Emma sighed again. "There's not much more I can say. He wouldn't tell me either. Or Josh or... or anybody. Not mom or dad either, I don't think... All I know is what Josh and I both saw. When... when they found him, he was... on one of those... they call them... death marches."

"Death marches?" Rachel's face turned white. "I have heard the stories. Ach, my people... God have mercy on us and on those who have fought for us!"

"I don't know what exactly it was for or where they were going or what... I don't know. He was... a prisoner... but you know that much already. I'm guessing he was captured the night he found you."

"The night he disappeared," Rachel murmured. "Jah... I thought... I thought he was dead."

"We all did. His capture... wasn't reported. And nobody knows what happened in the prison camp. But Josh says... that at the moment his unit surrounded the Krauts... a lieutenant was... was trying... to shoot Ronnie..." She swallowed hard, her voice trembling. "Josh... shot... the lieutenant. Saved my brother's life. And for that... I am eternally grateful."

"Nobody told me that," Rachel's eyes were wide. "I need to... say something. Gott segne ihn... God bless him."

"Ronnie was unconscious when they brought him to the hospital," Emma continued, her voice barely audible. "Advanced pneumonia, horrible infections in uncared for bullet wounds, exhaustion, near-starvation, and... and... Rachel... I think..." she took a deep breath. Rachel only stared, afraid to speak. Emma finished in a rush, her words all tumbling over one another. "I think he was beaten. Like... really, really badly. Which is... probably... probably why he... limps..."

"Gott shütze uns!" Rachel breathed. "Why... why?"

"I don't know," Emma shrugged. "Only Ronnie could say. And... he won't."

"I... I wish..." Rachel's eyes filled with tears. "I have told him all, held nothing back, about everything that I have been through. Why would he... hide it from me? I wish... I knew how... to ask him..."

"All you can do is wait," Emma answered softly. "He's always been this way. Y'know... the day he came back from overseas... we knew he was coming, of course... but he didn't show up. The train he was supposed to be on... he wasn't on it. We waited for the next train, and the train after that... boy, did we panic... until someone told us he had come earlier in the afternoon... and it took us a while, but we found him... down at the cemetery... kneeling by Jerry's grave and weeping. All he said was "It should've been me", but that was all we got out of him. He barely said another word, all the rest of that day, and a lot of the days afterwards. That's... just... how he is... and more so now than ever. He's quiet, he keeps to himself. Maybe someday he'll open up. You'll just have to wait and see. Just... just love him as hard as you can through it all, that's all you can do. He... he needs your love real bad, Rachel."

"He has it all, every bit, and more," Rachel smiled sadly. "I will never stop thanking the Lord for him. For I needed him just as badly. Gott war gut zu mir... God has been good to me."