Chapter Eighty-Four

Rachel smiled, bending down and holding out her arms as Benjie ran towards her. His black eyes were like little round stars, his cheeks chubby and rosy once again. He was thriving somehow… even in the squalor of this miserable little refugee camp. At least he was cold and hungry no longer. 

“How’s Baby?” she crooned, gathering him up and squeezing him while he giggled and kicked his legs. “Is Baby happy? Is my little Benjie so happy? Ah, yes you are, yes you are,” she laughed. “Little Benjie is so happy.” 

She wished that she could be half as happy. She was grateful, of course, that her little one was safe and cared for. But she feared for the future. The war was ending and that was a good thing… a wonderful thing. But what would it mean for her and Benjie? Alone in the world… refugees… strangers in a strange land, like her people of old, wandering in the desert without a home.

“Ah, but God brought them to the Promised Land, little one,” she said aloud, as if she had been speaking to Benjie the whole time. “You see? He had a plan for them. And surely… surely He has a plan for us. He promised… “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee”. We…” her smile wavered but she kept it bravely pasted on her face. “We are loved, little one. You’ll see.”

But she didn’t feel loved. She had the promise of God, but she had yet to see the fulfillment. She only felt alone… horribly alone. And worried for the future. She didn't know where to go from here. She rose from where she had been crouching on the ground, letting Benjie down again as he squirmed in her arms. It was a chilly day, in spite of being early in fall, and a cold breeze swept over her. She thought of the army coat, given to her by her soldier… she always had referred to him as her soldier… and for the thousandth time, silently prayed for his safety. The coat she had carefully packed away among her meager possessions, but as cold as it was today, she almost wished she had it with her.

Benjie sat in the dirt at her feet, sifting it through his fingers with delighted baby chuckles. He collected little pebbles, stacking them on top of each other in a little pile. She stooped again to his level, playing in the dirt like a child. She reached beyond him to gather more of the tiny pebbles and added them to his stack, smiling at the laughter this brought. 

A shadow fell across them as they sat there in the dust and swiftly passed by. Rachel glanced up briefly at the departing back of a soldier and turned back to the pebbles. Soldiers were everywhere these days as they had been for years and years. But Benjie jumped to his feet and toddled after the soldier.

“Daddy!” he laughed. “Daddy… daddy…” 

The soldier turned, looking down at Benjie with an amused grin that slowly changed into a look of astonishment. Rachel gasped, clapping her hand over her mouth in shock. It… it couldn’t be…

Benjie cried out joyfully and opened his chubby arms wide. He ran to the soldier, clinging to his leg. Rachel slowly stood, feeling the color drain from her face. It couldn’t be. Such miracles didn’t happen nowadays… did they? Surely she must be dreaming.

He bent down to lift Benjie into his arms. The little boy promptly wrapped his arms around his neck, planting a slobbery kiss on his cheek. Benjie was already reaching for his glasses, laughing happily. The soldier turned, moving towards Rachel, who stood motionless.

“Hello,” he grinned weakly. She tried to answer, but she couldn’t find her voice and her words died before they came to her lips. He was standing close to her now. She reached out, her hand trembling as she touched his uniform, trying to assure herself that he was real. 

“Are you… really… alive?” she whispered. “Or am I… dreaming?”

“I’m alive,” he answered quietly and she noticed he had a crooked smile. He seemed nervous… unsure of himself. He let Benjie slide to the ground and the little boy returned to his rock pile, pausing every few moments in his play to beam up at Ronnie and laugh with delight. And suddenly, Rachel smiled… for the first time since he had met her. It transformed her, lighting her weary eyes and bringing a glow to her face. She was beautiful… beautiful. He felt his heart skip a beat.

"How I have prayed for you…” 

He smiled at her sadly, a world of pain and sorrow clouding his eyes. He was looking at her without seeing her now… the bloody horrors of the war always in front of him and around him just as real as if he was still on the battlefield. He didn’t notice her smile fall, lined with sympathy and concern. She was reading the pain of years of combat etched on his face, sensing the loss and the hopelessness that comes with watching those close to you die. And she understood. She reached out again, gently brushing her fingers against his cheek. He lifted his head abruptly, seeming almost startled by her gesture.

"Are you alright?" she spoke softly, her eyes filling with tears. At first he nodded, then shook his head. He reached out toward her, stepped forward unsteadily, and his knees buckled. He nearly fell into her arms and she held him tightly, the tears spilling down her cheeks.

"You'll never know how I longed to see you again," he whispered. "Or how your memory gave me hope." 

She didn't answer. She didn't trust her voice. But she tightened her arms around his waist and buried her face against his chest, comforting and being comforted by the feeling of his arms around her once again. She never wanted him to let go.