TDTLBU Chapter Sixty

Letter from Mac to Marjorie Scott

September, 1944

Dear Mom,

Well, they finally let me out of this hospital. Not that I actually wanted to be out… I mean, they never asked me. But I'm out all the same and now they want to ship me home. Don't get me wrong, Mom, I want to come home, more than anything. Dream every night of the farm and your cooking and all those trees and the hills and hunting enough to keep me busy for days. But… there's something here that I can't exactly leave yet. I should say someone.

I didn't tell you before, Mom, but there's someone awfully important here and and I just can't get on that ship tomorrow. I've gotta stay a while, wait and hope… maybe I'll be lucky yet. You see, there's a girl here… a nurse… Mom, I can't do her justice in a letter. She's the sweetest, kindest, gentlest, most beautiful girl I've ever met in all my life. I didn't know that angels lived among us like that. She's just the most wonderful person I could ever dream of. I'd have died inside if it hadn't been for her. She's kept me going, all the way through the darkest times here, just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore. I'm in love with her. Can't even imagine trying to live without her. And now… I don't know what to do.

You see, her heart belongs to someone else. She was engaged and he was killed in the Pacific. I asked her to marry me, but she said not ever. I know, I know. I oughta go home and leave her alone. I can see her heart is broken and it breaks mine too… I want to make her happy somehow. Want to see her smile and know that she's smiling because of me. But there isn't anything I can do. It's dumb of me to stay. I know it. No point in telling me so. But I can't go until I know for sure. If I wait and hope long and hard enough, then maybe…

So I'm sorry, Mom. You'll have to wait a little while longer to kill the fatted calf. I want to see you something terrible, and Uncle Jafe too… but I can't go. 

And hey, don't be worrying about me. My leg, or rather my not-leg, is just fine. It hurts sometimes, like it's still there, but I'm okay. I'll get a job, find a decent place to stay, and I certainly know how to eat so don't worry about me starving myself to death. I'll be home just as soon as I can figure everything out… whether that means tearing myself away or maybe… but I'm not going to dare writing it yet. No sense in jinxing it.

Oh, her name is Katie. Katie Stewart. She's so much like a little songbird though… I call her Lintie. You'd love her, Mom, you really would. Wish I could bring her home to meet you.

Love you!

Mac

✯✯✯

People wondered why John Kelly rushed out of work in the middle of the day without stopping to give the slightest explanation to anybody. Certainly it must have had to do with the phone call… but he never did tell anyone what the call was about. He had been called into the office one afternoon, told that someone was on the phone for him, and five minutes later, he was gone. Rumors spread through the factory like wildfire as overheard fragments of his brief phone call were repeated.

“Hey, Alice, what’s up?... You’re kidding… Pennsylvania?... You’re sure?... Got it…. Yes, right away… thanks millions… gotta go…”

But that very same day came rumors that the Allies had reached the Rhine and everyone quite forgot John Kelly and his mysterious disappearance. The Rhine was the last border the Allies must cross before going into Germany itself.

John Kelly, oddly enough, had no thoughts of the Allies that day. He had a border of his own to cross. Within the hour, he was boarding a train headed straight for Lancaster, Pennsylvania. He didn’t even stop to think, until he was sitting still, watching the Ohio scenery flash by. Then it hit him and he was suddenly afraid. 

He had been trying to trace Lissie’s whereabouts for the past three and a half months… ever since she vanished without a word to him or anyone else. Her parents had told him nothing, no matter how hard and how often he had begged. They simply said she wanted to be left alone. He had asked at the train station, only to find she hadn’t left on a train. Her friends knew nothing. He had been near the point of giving up when his niece took a job at the post office. Here was his last chance. Caught up in the romance and excitement of it all, Alice had readily agreed to watch for letters. And at last, she had found one…

“Lissie’s in Lancaster, Pennsylvania,” she had told him that afternoon when she called. “I’ve got her letter right here in my hand… addressed to her parents. Get something to write with and I’ll give you her address.”

He was in Lancaster before the sun set. The address, written in smudged pencil on a crumpled piece of paper clenched in his fist, had led him to a quiet residential street and for a long time he wandered slowly up and down the street, avoiding the little white house on the far east side. He hadn’t had time to think this through. He didn’t even have a clue what to say when he saw her again. They hadn’t discussed anything at all and the engagement, as far as he knew, still stood… but how on earth would he go about talking to her? He should have listened to Katie, should have taken her warning… but he hadn’t… because he loved Lissie.

And, quite suddenly, he found herself on her doorstep and ringing the bell. It all happened very quickly and seemed very commonplace… a middle-aged woman had come to the door, wiping her hands on her apron, he had told her he was there to see Miss Ryan, she had cordially invited him in and went into the kitchen to fetch Miss Ryan, and… there she was.

She paused in the doorway, brushing a stray wisp of golden hair from her eyes, a pleasant smile on her face, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. He hadn’t forgotten how beautiful she was… not really… but it had always caught him off guard, every time he saw her. Her smile suddenly froze in place, then wavered, and disappeared.

“You?”

“Lissie…” he was suddenly angry. For her to promise to marry him and then disappear without a single word! It wasn’t right. And he would demand an explanation. “Lissie, what happened?”

“You?!” she repeated, stupidly. She strode across the room until she was face to face with him.  “Alright,” she spoke resolutely. “I’m listening. Say what you came to say.”

“You left,” he managed. “Without saying… anything. Why, Lissie… why?”

“Why?” she cried, lifting her chin. “You ask me why?” Spots of color flamed on her cheeks and her eyes were blazing. “After I told you how I felt! You led me on, deceived me, made me believe that you… that you didn’t support this horrible killing. And when more than ten thousand men were slaughtered, you seemed to take that as a good thing… got a job making ammunition to kill more! And I had believed you… I fell in love with you… foolish, foolish!!” she was shouting now, pacing the room and wringing her hands. He stood still as a statue, just watching, just listening. “I tell you, I vow it before God in heaven, I’ll never fall in love again! I’ve had my heart broken too many times and I’ll never have it break again. Oh, John, this is a terrible, terrible time when men kill each other and never feel any remorse over it. The water running red with blood… I heard all about it. It was horrible. And I was a fool! And I… And I…”

Her voice trailed off and she drew gasping breaths of air. She was trembling all over. Her hands, clenched into fists at her sides, fell limp.

“And I… I’ve been… so… so lonely…” she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. He crossed the distance between them in two steps and gathered her into his arms. 

“I’m sorry, John, I’m so sorry,” she whispered between sobs. “I’ve been really dreadfully lonely, you’ve no idea… I just thought I couldn’t take it another minute and suddenly you were here, but I really was so awfully angry, and now… now I don’t know what to do… and after chasing Ronnie off and everything and…”

“Do you love me, Lissie?” John whispered. “I know all about what happened… before… and I’ll let you go if… if…”

“Yes, John,” she murmured. “I love you. But… I don’t… don’t know what to do…”

“Why not pray about it then?” he tried to pull away to meet her eyes, but she only clung to him tighter. “Pray about it together and then have a good long talk. We’ll see if we can’t arrive at some kind of a conclusion.”