The Lady of My Choosing Chapter Nine

 Chapter Nine

Hidden Heartache

    The entire kingdom was thrown into an inevitable flurry of excitement by the royal proclamation. A bride-finding ball! It must be confessed that the only persons in the realm that were not unbelievably thrilled by the prospect, other than the persons not invited, that is, were the ones most affected by the news. Edward, John, and Caroline were most certainly not delighted. Edward because he hated the entire thought of the whole ridiculous farce, Caroline because she understood how he felt and was a little frightened herself of another attempt to marry her off, and John because he was concerned for both of them. Especially for Caroline for if anyone tried to force her into an unwanted marriage... what could he do but stand by and helplessly watch it happen?

    Edward was in such a state of distraction in the days leading up to the ball that he did unusual things. And nobody said anything. The king and queen were as indulgent and solicitous as they possibly could be, afraid to set him off. He was highly explosive and that rather frightened them.

    It was in such a state of mind that Edward decided to pay a visit to the royal mausoleum. Why on earth he would want to do that, John could not fathom. But he went along, obligingly.

    "This place fascinates me, always has. Ever since I was a child." Edward's voice echoed in the great marble building. "It isn't just thoughts of destiny or morbid curiosity. Look here." he pointed to a tomb with the inscription "Edward Augustus Philip, 1765-"

    "When they first brought me here it was part of my royal education, you see." he continued. "I was only knee-high to a tombstone. They stood me in front of this and they said, 'that's yours. That's waiting for you.' "

    "Very cheerful!" John laughed.

    "Humor was never the family's strong point." Edward shrugged. "I wasn't frightened... I was intrigued."

    "I see they've even put your name on in advance," John noted.

    "It's a sobering thought, isn't it? No matter what I do or don't do, no matter how I do it or don't do it, my last appointment is here. What a comforting thing to know!" Edward wandered among the tombs, pointing out a name here and there, marking the difference in the reigns of the various kings... evil, benevolent, treacherous, beloved, lazy...

    Suddenly, a slight noise caused the prince to turn towards the window. He caught a glimpse of a girl, running back through the field, before she vanished into the woods. She looked vaguely familiar somehow...

    "Who was that?"

    "Sir?" John had not seen the girl.

    "The girl. There. She was hiding there."

    "I saw no one, sir." John shook his head.

    "I could have sworn." Edward murmured, frowning. "A servant girl." Something about that girl stayed in his mind, even after he had nearly forgotten the incident. A certain feeling that persisted in hanging about him. Some strange premonition that the girl he had seen in the graveyard and the one in the funeral procession last winter, with the sad, lonely eyes, were somehow connected to each other... and to his future.

oOo

    The girl caught up her skirts and ran, ran like the wind, not pausing to look back. She would be late, and there would be consequences. And so she ran on, like a wild, frightened thing, stumbling along through the underbrush.

    She could not understand this strange feeling in her heart, this feeling that would not leave her. Ever since her father's funeral last winter, she had wondered about this. Her world had ended the day he had died. But, at the moment she looked into the prince's eyes, she felt an odd assurance that a new world would soon begin... that everything would somehow be all right. Why she should feel this way, she did not know. She had recognized him right away, of course, as the prince of Euphrania and heir to the throne. And what on earth would he ever have to do with a poor servant girl? She was nobody. But that brief moment that she had looked into his eyes she had felt comforted. And she had felt hope. And so she persisted in clinging to that one little shred of comfort and hope. Even though the thought that he would ever have anything to do with her fate was utterly ridiculous.

    Because of that one little moment, she had watched again for another sight of him. She knew he went out riding nearly every day and often she saw him, in the distance, riding with his companion, and sometimes the lady she had first seen. She felt an odd curiosity about the lady as well, for such a kind look of sympathy and understanding she had never before seen in anyone's eyes, other than her father's. She felt drawn to the other girl and the remembrance of her sympathetic smile had warmed her heart.    

    Many times did she linger in the meadow, watching as he galloped across the plains, never noticing her, never knowing that she watched him. She was glad of this, for she hoped that no one would ever know the foolishness of a little servant girl. But she was always glad to see him. And those little glimpses of him carried her through the toil and misery of each long and dreadful day.

oOo

    The day of the long-awaited, long-dreaded ball arrived at last and the mood of the palace inhabitants was by no means improved. Edward looked absolutely stormy and the king and queen had perpetually worried expressions. Caroline just shook her head. Wouldn't life just be simpler if people were allowed to live their own lives and choose the one they loved instead? But protocol and tradition must be preserved and an alliance must be made.

    The hour of the ball was drawing nearer and Caroline was busying herself with Queen Edith, who persisted in being very difficult indeed. By the time she had helped the elderly queen with her gown and dressed her hair, she had barely enough time to dress herself. She had decided not to wear her very best gown for this occasion, but her second best and the reason for this simply was that John had complimented her on that gown once. As she slipped into the pale green silk with its trimmings of light pink and surveyed her reflection in the mirror, she smiled at the memory of his words.

    "You look like a rosebud in that dress. Pure and fresh and sweet."

    The local nobility and foreign royalty were even then streaming into the palace as Caroline accompanied Queen Edith into the ballroom. The room had been transformed into a beautiful fairyland and, in spite of her state of mind, she found herself admiring the beauty of it all. The music, the gowns, the flickering candlelight. For just a few moments, she was the little Caroline of old who had thought of nothing but the frivolous side of royalty. But when John entered, just behind Prince Edward, the sight of him reminded her of her pain and she could not grasp again her childish dreams.

    "Ah, Caroline, you look just like a vision in that dress, indeed you do!" she turned at Charles' voice and greeted him happily. He was certainly taking the occasion seriously, she reflected, as she noticed his elaborate coat of salmon pink and, yes, the aforementioned high heels. As high as he could manage.

    "Thank you, Charles," she smiled. "You look rather dashing tonight." The compliment, she could see, pleased him very well. For the next several minutes, she had to listen to his enthusiastic monologue. But she didn't mind. He stood next to her, remarking on every one of the foreign princesses and ladies as each one arrived, until he noted that the prince had chosen a partner for the first dance, or rather, the king had insisted that Edward dance with the princess of Sneed. Then Charles prepared to "unleash" himself with a vengeance and selected the young countess of Carolsfeld as his first conquest, but before he moved towards her, he bent towards Caroline.

    "I do believe I know who it is who has captured your fancy, dear sister, indeed I do." he whispered and cast a rather significant glance in John's direction, much to Caroline's dismay. "I am so terribly sorry about it all, indeed I am. I truly hope that something will happen... a miracle perhaps?" he squeezed her hand and smiled encouragingly before he advanced quickly towards the little countess to introduce himself.    

    As the couples began to whirl around the room to the music, Caroline planted herself in the corner, close to Queen Edith, and hoped fervently she wouldn't be noticed there. But before she knew it, John was at her side.

    "Poor Edward," he chuckled softly. "Look at him. Doesn't he look as if he's being slowly tortured?" he nodded toward the prince who was dancing with a very gaudily-dressed little princess and such an expression of misery Caroline had never before seen on his face.

    "Poor Edward," she echoed, suppressing the urge to laugh as well. "Alas! I know how dreadful this sort of thing feels!"

    "We all do, in a way," John added in a low voice. At that moment, Charles came sailing past with a lady in bright coral silk on his arm.

    "Isn't she perfectly lovely?" he asked as he came within earshot, then moved away again. But a moment later, he spun back with a rather regretful look on his face.

    "She can't understand a word I say, though. Doesn't speak Euphranian!"

    Caroline smiled after him sadly as she watched him dance away. Over in the corner, Edward was talking to a tall woman in green and she was smiling very brightly at him. The king was standing on the platform just overhead and peered down at Edward, gesturing towards his teeth and at the lady as he grinned widely.

    "Excellent teeth! Ha, ha!" The lady smiled even more brightly, albeit a little sarcastically and Caroline caught John's eye. She could tell he had seen the little scene as well by the flicker of amusement in his eyes.

    As they stood there, a young man suddenly approached and Caroline recognized with a feeling of dread Prince Daniel of Neuburg.

    "The Lady Caroline, I believe?" he murmured with a polite bow. "You have grown more beautiful than ever in the years since we last met."

    "I thank you, your Royal Highness," Caroline answered stiffly as she gave a graceful curtsey.

    "Would you honor me with this dance, milady?" he asked. Caroline glanced at John with growing alarm in his eyes. He had stepped back and was studying the floor with sudden interest.

    "I am sorry, your Highness," she answered decisively. "But I do not intend to dance. Pray excuse me."

    "Can you not be persuaded?" he persisted eagerly.

    "No, forgive me, your Highness. I must attend her majesty, the queen." she stepped back with a slight bow of her head, signifying the end of the conversation. He looked at her narrowly, then turned and stalked off. Caroline looked up at that moment to see Queen Elinor regarding her with disapproving eyes and she trembled inside. John was silent, but looking at her sadly.

    "John!" Queen Edith cried suddenly.

    "Ma'am?" he turned toward her.

    "Take me on the floor!" she ordered. John took her hand and led her to the floor. As he passed Caroline, he glanced at her and she suddenly felt rather alone and miserable. The look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat but at the same time, it made that subtle ache which was always there much sharper. John and the queen joined the other couples in the minuet and she watched silently, wishing she could trade places with the elderly queen.