The Lady of My Choosing Chapter Two

 Chapter Two

Not Free to Love

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken"

    Caroline read aloud the thrilling words as she sat alone in a solitary corner of the library, reveling in her book. So intent was she upon her reading that she did not hear anyone enter the room until a voice behind her startled her.

    "What ho, Cousin, have your nose in a book again?" Edward laughed. "What are you reading? Sounds rather dull."

    Caroline turned with a start to see both Edward and John standing behind her and closed her book hastily.

    "Tis only Shakespeare's sonnets," she replied. "And it is most certainly not dull. Wouldn't you agree, John?" she turned to him appealingly as Edward shook his head in mock despair.

    "Can't say I've ever read them," he said, almost apologetically. "What is it about?"

    "Never read them?" Caroline's brow creased in consternation. "Then listen to these words." And, opening where she had left off, re-read the excerpt. When she lifted her head, Edward was faking a yawn and she frowned at him. But there was a strange look in John's eyes that nearly frightened her.

    "An ever-fixed mark," he murmured. "That looks on tempests and is never shaken."

    "Isn't that beautiful?"

    "Indeed, Lady Caroline." he seemed to suddenly return to reality as for a moment, his expression had seemed far away. "Beautiful... and true. Don't you think so, Edward? Love should never be fickle but able to withstand the fiercest storms and the most hopeless sorrows without moving."

    "But what can I know of love?" Edward returned sadly. "I must marry to form a political alliance and will never know the power of that love you read of, Caroline. But I hope that you will."

    John had fallen strangely silent and was staring at the floor as if something unusual had attracted his full attention. Caroline laid her book aside and turned toward the glass doors that led out into the garden.

    "Will you come, both of you?" she asked, eagerly. "I've read long enough and I long for a little sunshine before I return to Her Majesty, the Queen."

    At her invitation, both young men followed her out into the garden. The sun was indeed shining brilliantly. The birdsong blended with the constant laughter of the falling water in the fountain and surrounded the little enclosed area with beauty of sound to add to the beauty of sight. Caroline moved slowly down the cobblestone path as John and Edward fell in step with her, one on each side. The melancholy mood of a few minutes before lifted quickly as the three friends lost themselves in lively chatter and laughter. They had encircled the little garden once when the library doors were opened and they turned, simultaneously, to see the Chamberlain standing there, his usual stern expression arranged carefully on his austere features.

    "Your Royal Highness," he said with a bow. "I beg pardon for my intrusion. The King has requested your presence in the throne room immediately."

    "All right then, thank you." Bowing a farewell to his friends, the prince turned and followed the Chamberlain inside and John and Caroline were left alone. Both were silent for a moment, then Caroline broke the silence with a sigh.

    "I must return to the Queen," she said, gazing wistfully at the rosebushes. "She will be expecting me now." But she lingered a moment longer. "The roses are lovely, are they not? I wish I could carry their beauty and fragrance with me."

    With a smile, John reached forward, plucked the largest and most glorious of the roses from the bush, and placed it in her hand.

    "There you are, Lady Caroline. Carry it with you and may you always be as happy as you are this day."

    Caroline glanced up at him but her eyes fell and she stared at the rose in her hands.

    "Thank you, John," she managed with difficulty for she felt something like a lump in her throat that she could not swallow. "I shall keep it always. To remind me of this happiness." Not trusting herself to say another word, she turned and slipped back through the doors. As she did so, a single petal fell from the rose and landed on the garden path. John watched until she had vanished from sight, then knelt to pick up the fallen petal. He pressed it to his lips, then slipped it carefully into his pocket. He, too, would keep it always. Perhaps it would remind him of these happy moments in the dreary days to come.

oOo

    Lady Caroline was nearly eighteen the day Queen Elinor called her into the royal presence. Perhaps there was nothing remarkable in that, after all, Lady Caroline spent every day in the royal presence. But this time was different for Queen Elinor had an important matter to discuss with the young lady... a matter that would change the girl's life forever.

    Curtseying gracefully before her aunt, Caroline murmured her morning greeting.

    "Ah, Caroline, my dear, how are you this morning?" the Queen spoke graciously, extending her hand to her niece.

    "I am very well, Aunt Elinor," Caroline replied, trying to smile. A vague sense of uneasiness had filled her heart and she couldn't seem to shake the feeling of foreboding.

    "I have asked you here in order to discuss something of great importance with you." The queen paused, as if to allow the full effect of the importance of her news to sink in. "As you know, you are nearly eighteen years of age and quite old enough to be married."

    "Married?" Caroline gasped, her face turning pale. "But Aunt Elinor, I-"

    "Please don't interrupt me," the queen frowned, raising a hand. "As I was saying, you are quite old enough to be married and, as a daughter of the king's brother, your marriage is quite important to the future of the kingdom."

    "The future of the kingdom!" Caroline cried, trying to grasp the full meaning of what was about to take place.

    "Indeed," the queen continued. "The possibilities for a suitable marriage are being looked into and I hope we shall be able to arrange a match soon. I hope you shall be very happy, my dear."

    Caroline did not answer. She kept her eyes fixed on the ground, avoiding the queen's piercing gaze.

    "I have reason to believe we shall soon receive a royal visitor," Queen Elinor smiled, hoping to raise Caroline's spirits. "And, I do believe, he is most anxious to meet you again."

    "Who can it be?" Caroline murmured, her lips white.

    "Prince David of Beauvai. I understand you have met on a few occasions. I am certain you will find him very pleasant."

    "Yes." Caroline whispered. "Pleasant." She paused and the room was silent for a moment. Then she looked up at the Queen.

    "Might I be excused, Aunt Elinor?" she asked earnestly. "I would request permission for a brief ride before I go to attend Her Majesty, Queen Edith."

    "Certainly, my dear, certainly." Queen Elinor said generously. "John will be sent for and you may go at once."    

    Murmuring her thanks, Caroline curtseyed and left the room, willing her hands to stop trembling.

oOo

    Caroline was silent as John helped her mount Regina and she followed him from the palace courtyard. Beyond the palace gates, the familiar old meadow seemed overcast and gray. The sun was covered with clouds that day and a chilly wind blew. The only birds that could be heard were the wild geese, honking overhead as they headed south. Caroline bent low in her saddle, her head bowed against the force of the chilling wind. Wisps of golden hair blew about her face but she made no effort to brush them away.

    John made no remark as to her silence. He seemed, somehow, to understand as he looked at her, compassion filling his blue eyes. He rode quietly at her side, saying nothing. They did not gallop then but trotted slowly across the plain.

    As they reached the summit of the highest hill in the vicinity, Caroline lifted her head, craning her neck to peer at the gray skies overhead. Both had reined their horses to a halt and many moments passed before she at last broke the silence.

    "Sometimes I wish I had wings," she said softly, meditatively. "I would join those geese in their flight, soaring high, high into the sky, away from all plots and plans that others have made for my future."

    John still said nothing but he, too, raised his eyes to the sky. He wished he could say something, anything to comfort her but he could not find the words.

    "Do you know," she turned to him suddenly. "That the Queen intends to marry me off to a foreign prince whom I barely know and have barely even seen? She thinks I'm just a contract, apparently, to be handed over at will to any other kingdom." She looked down again, adding softly, "I could never marry someone I didn't... love."

    "I can't speak from experience," John began quietly. "I am not important enough for my fate to be united with the fate of kingdoms. But I can understand how you feel. I, too, could never marry someone I didn't love."

    "But you are fortunate," Caroline said wistfully. "You are free-free to marry whomever you choose! You are not bound by any royal title."

    John lifted his head and his eyes met hers. For a moment she read something there she had never before seen. Sorrow, suffering, agony... love? Could it be? She caught her breath and her heart fluttered anxiously.

    "You are wrong, Lady Caroline," he said slowly. "I am not free. It is because I have no title that I have no freedom." They were so close that the sides of their horses were touching. He reached out and took her hand in his.

    "There is a lady," he continued. "The sweetest and loveliest lady I have ever known. And I love her with my whole heart and soul. But she is a lady not only in manners but in title as well. And I am just a servant. So there is nothing that I can do. I am not free to love her, or even to tell her that I do. So you see, I am bound. Not by a royal title, but by servanthood."

    "Oh, John!" Caroline burst into tears and bowed her head. He leaned forward and took her in his arms, holding her while she cried into his shoulder. For a long moment they sat there, the horses standing still as statues as if understanding the plight of their riders. It wasn't until the first few drops of rain began to fall that they returned to reality. Caroline lifted her tear-stained face at last as John released her.

    "I should be getting back to the palace," she murmured but made no move to turn her horse.

    "We should probably make a run for it," John agreed, glancing at the darkening skies. "Are you ready?"

    Caroline nodded and managed a weak smile.

    "Let's ride like the wind."

    At that, John spurred his chestnut gelding and sped ahead. Regina followed, tossing her head with the joy of freedom as Caroline bent low over her neck and let out the reins. The young couple was able to briefly forget their troubles as they tore across the meadow. But in spite of their speed, they were dripping wet by the time they entered the palace gates. Pulling up before the stable, John helped Caroline dismount.

    "You'd better hurry inside and change into something dry," he said absently. "Don't want to catch cold."

    "I'll be all right," Caroline nodded. What cared she for colds when her world was crumbling into dust at her feet? The ache in her heart was certainly worse than a headache or sore throat could be. But she turned obediently toward the palace.

    "Caroline," John said her name quietly. It was the first time he had ever called her just "Caroline", rather than "Lady Caroline". She stopped as he came up beside her.

    "I'll be... praying for you," he said softly. "I'll pray that all will go well and you will be able to find happiness." She did not reply, just looked back at him, her grey eyes large and filled with sorrow. He bent down and kissed her cheek, then turned and vanished into the stables. With a heavy heart, she trudged back to the palace, wishing with all her heart that she was nothing more than a kitchen maid.