TDTLBU Chapter Forty-Eight

Emma followed the medics as they carried Josh's stretcher into the surgery tent. The nurse on duty shot her a look of gratitude and slipped out before even confirming that Emma was there to relieve her. Emma was glad of it… she would've insisted on being there anyway. She couldn't leave Josh. A line from a letter he had once written her kept running through her mind… 

"Tell you what, Em. If I get shot to pieces over there, there's no one I'd rather have to put me back together again."

Josh stirred restlessly, groaning. Emma bent over him as the doctor prepared for surgery, clearing away the filthy bandages. She suddenly understood his muttered words and it wrung her heart.

"Emma…. Emma…"

He was crying out… for her. Choking back a sob, she attempted a wobbly grin… even though he wasn't looking at her.

"Hey, Scout," she whispered, her voice shaking. "I'm here, okay? I'm here, and I'm gonna take care of you. You're gonna be alright now. I promise."

He was going under anesthesia now and she didn't know if he could hear her or not, but it seemed almost as if he murmured something in response. He looked as if he was smiling slightly and her heart throbbed painfully. He was asleep now… and she had no way of knowing if he would ever wake up again. As he lost all consciousness, his hand fell limp and the little blue dog tumbled to the floor. Emma stooped to pick it up and held it against her heart for a brief moment before slipping it into her pocket. She hadn't even known he still had it after all these years and to find now that he had carried it all the way to the battlefield… she blinked back her tears and flew into action as the doctor began to call out orders. Josh's life depended on her now. 

✯✯✯

Emma was transferred to a stabilization tent later that afternoon. She was quickly established in a back area of the tent to take care of those returning from surgery. And she was glad… for that was where Josh had been taken. And somehow, she couldn't stand the thought of anyone but herself caring for him. But there were twenty-nine other men under her care.

As the time ticked by, Emma walked a constant beat, adjusting bandages, administering medicine, and comforting those in pain. She walked slowly between the rows of cots, stopping to bend over each patient in turn, checking and rebandaging wounds and the hundreds of other little things she had been trained for. She paused in her route at a whispered plea for water. Moving quickly to the man's side, she held his head as she lifted the water to his lips. He was one of their amputees… stepped on a land mine and lost his right leg. She had assisted in his surgery earlier that day. 

"How are you feeling?" she whispered, smiling encouragingly as she adjusted his pillow and helped him lie back. 

"M'alright." He drew a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes wearily. 

"Good. Try and get some rest." She ran her hand lightly across his forehead, noting with relief that he wasn't feverish. She noticed a scar just over his right eye and wondered if he had gotten it in another battle. Operation Torch perhaps, the invasion of Sicily? The war was seeming longer than ever… as if it had lasted a lifetime already. Who knew how long it would continue to rage? And men like this one would go on paying the sacrifice. It was a bitter shame, she thought, shaking her head. He was so young, so strong, so handsome… and now he was crippled for life.

Emma returned to Josh's side as often as she dared. He had shown no signs of waking up and, although the doctor told her the operation had been successful, seeing him lying there, pale and still as death as he slept off the anesthesia, made it so hard to believe that he would be okay. She knelt beside his cot, brushing his hair back from his forehead to reveal the deep gash. She had stitched it up herself, not long ago, but she was as worried about this as the wounds in his side.

"Never ever in all my life did I dream we would come to this," she murmured as she checked his vitals and inserted an IV. "We were just kids then. And now here we are, thousands of miles from home, fighting for life and death." 

He had changed, she realized suddenly, almost startled as she stared at his face. Two and a half long and weary years had dragged by since they had said goodbye. Two and a half years since last she had seen him. His face was different… Harder, stronger, his jaw more defined, his cheekbones higher and almost sunken in. There were lines around his eyes and mouth that seemed as if they should have been on the face of someone much older. He was no longer a boy. He had become a man in the years they had been apart. 

"Look at you," Emma whispered, blinking back tears as she reached out to gently run her fingers along his cheek. "You're all grown up." 

"Emma."

She didn't even turn at Marci's voice behind her, just answered quietly.

"What is it?"

"Are you… okay? You… don't look so well."

"No… I'm fine…. Just so much to do."

As Emma rose to her feet, she wavered a moment in exhaustion, but grit her teeth and forced herself back to balance. Marci smiled sadly.

"You love him."

"What?" Emma flushed, her eyes growing wide.

"The soldier there." She pointed to Josh. "You love him."

"I…" Emma grasped feebly for words to offer as a denial. She had never before been rendered so utterly speechless. 

"That's your Josh, isn't it?'

"Yes, but I…"

"I can see it in your eyes," Marci answered. "Oh come now. I'm no fool. I know love when I see it."

"Marci…" Emma's voice was strangely panicked. "Marci…. What if… what if he dies?" She didn't give her friend a chance to answer as she rushed on, words tumbling over each other. "I swear I've never felt so helpless in all my life. I've done everything I know how to do and what if it's not enough? I… I can't bear seeing him like this…" with a choked sob, she pushed past Marci and ran from the tent

Emma reached out as she stumbled, running her hand against the canvas wall behind her. She tried to draw a deep breath in hopes of clearing her mind, but nearly gagged on the stench of blood and death mingled with antiseptic, sweat, vomit, and filth. What was the matter with her? She should be used to it by now.  

The air outside was stifling, thickened with the cloying smell of ash and explosives. She felt suddenly ragingly sick. Grasping the tent pole weakly in a desperate attempt to stay on her feet, she bent nearly double as she tried to hold her last meal in. Beads of sweat broke out on her forehead and she groaned. She couldn't get sick now. She'd rather die and be done with it all rather than be rendered useless for work again. The last thing she wanted was to be out of service and add yet another burden onto her fellow nurses. 

Her knees buckled and she nearly sank to the ground. She heard someone calling to her, as if in a dream and far away. Moments before she hit the ground, she could feel someone pulling her to her feet. It was dark… or was it only because her eyes were blurred from lack of sleep? 

"Is she okay?" 

"I don't know. She just collapsed." 

"Probably overly tired. Most of them haven't slept since they got here… two days ago. You can take her over there to that smaller tent… they'll take care of her there." 

“No…” Emma protested weakly. “No… I’m okay. I just… just… need a minute…” She clung to the arm that had lifted her, drawing in deep breaths of warm, stagnant air. She willed her strength to return, lifting her head to smile gratefully at the medic who stood beside her. “I’ll be alright now.”

“You sure?” he reached to fumble in his pockets as she let go of his arm. “Here. Eat this and don’t try to argue with me about it. You’ll need it.” he was holding a chocolate bar out to her. Not D-ration army chocolate, but a real Hershey’s bar… a rarity of price incomprehensible. It was rather squashed and bore the signs of having melted and solidified again more than once. But it was still a priceless gift.

“Thank you,” Emma smiled as she accepted the chocolate. She could sense that refusing his generosity would hurt him. 

“More power to you, nurse,” he saluted sharply. “We’re glad to have your help out here.”

Emma returned to her work, strengthened by the chocolate and the kind words. It was late in the night before they could convince her to take time off to rest.