TDTLBU Chapter Thirty-Eight

Katie sat limply on the front step of the porch, staring out at the pasture across the yard. It was white with snow now. The fence running around it was nearly buried in the drifts. She was reminded suddenly of that long ago day when the Cavalry whitewashed that very same fence and Jerry… Jerry and Josh had gotten so covered in whitewash. She smiled, lost for a moment in that happy memory. But the sadness came rushing back in an even greater wave than before and she hung her head. She barely heard the footsteps crunching through the February snow.

"Katie." The voice was stilted as if holding back tears. Katie glanced up and attempted a smile again. 

"Hi, Lissie," she murmured, not trusting her own voice. The other girl stood there in silence a moment and suddenly sank to her knees in the snow in front of Katie. Reaching out, she took both of Katie's hands in hers. 

"I wanna tell you something," she began softly and Katie dropped her eyes again. "The sun's gonna shine again, Katie."

"I don't know about that," Katie whispered.

"There's not much I can say," Lissie whispered back. "I… I just came to cry with you."

Katie swallowed hard and lifted her head, looking straight at her friend.

"Lissie… I… I…" she burst into tears and Lissie did too. The two girls wrapped their arms around each other, sitting out there in the snow, and cried until they had no tears left. 

✯✯✯

"Oh, Scout," Emma murmured, shaking her head over the dirty and crumpled sheet of paper in her hand. "What's happened to you?"

She had read his letter already half a dozen times and once again she glanced hurriedly over its scribbled and smudged contents. These words were so strangely unlike him that it frightened her. He had poured his soul out to her on the page... Something he had never done before. And they were the desperate and terrified words of a broken and miserable man. What had happened to the carefree boy she once knew? How she she wished she could go to him! He seemed as if he needed her. 

She didn't try to deny it. She had thought it so many times in the past month... she knew she needed him too. It seemed impossible to miss him anymore than she already did… seemed as had always been there for her from the very first day she met him. And now he was so far away. Well, not really in distance, but considering the situation they were both in, he might as well be on the other side of the world. Strange, this sudden feeling of loneliness for Josh of all people. He had always tormented her very life out, but now that she looked back through all her memories, she realized it hadn't been all that bad. In fact their friendship was a perfect match. He was the only person who could really stand up to her in conversation and that made him more fun than anyone. Even if he didn't read novels and had always teased her for loving them so much. No matter, she had teased him just as much herself. Really, she deserved it. With a sigh, she turned back to his letter and realized suddenly that she wanted to cry. What she wouldn't give just for one glimpse of that impish grin of his… the teasing flash of his green eyes.

"Seems as if I can't get the sound of gunshots and screams of pain to be quiet," he had written. "Even when we're back in camp, far from front lines, they follow me. I've seen death in so many eyes and I've had men beside me shot dead and collapse at my feet. I've been covered with their blood and tortured by their last breaths. It's hell out here, Emma. Pure hell. Maybe that's why God is so far away. I can't find him, Emma. He's not anywhere in all this darkness. 

I guess I feel at times like I'm trying to hide from him. I'm running and running and... I feel so lost. It's so dark, Emma... there's no light at all. It frightens me more than the Panzers and torpedoes and landmines. I'm scared and trapped and I don't know what to do.

Pray for me, Emma, please.

And Emma prayed. Harder than she had ever prayed before. 

✯✯✯

"It's dratted lonely out here in this damn hole in the ground," Mac grumbled, resting his head against the back wall of the foxhole. The night was so black he couldn't see past the end of his nose. His knees were pressed against his chest and no matter which way he moved, he couldn't get comfortable. 

"Oh, you're gonna hurt my feelings, Cat," Josh muttered dryly from the opposite end of the hole. 

"You make it worse," Mac retorted. "You're squishin' me."

"Well sorry, this ain't exactly the Ritz. I'm squished too. I'm squished flatter 'n a pancake."

"Next time remind me to dig my own foxhole." 

"Orders were for double holes," Josh shrugged. He fumbled in his pockets a moment and found a pack of cigarettes. "Smoke?"

"Nope. And don't you dare, you ain't blowin' smoke in my face down here."

Josh surprisingly shoved the cigarettes back in his pocket.

"So, Cat," he said, conversationally. "How did you get that scar on your face? Get attacked by a mad bull? Or was it a sword fight?"

"Plane crash, actually," Mac replied calmly. "It was during take-off, but I lost control of the plane."

"Plane?" Josh raised his eyebrows. "Were you a pilot?"

"Yes, I was," Mac answered seriously. "Flew out of the tree house at ten years old. But my plane malfunctioned. Mom wouldn't let me rebuild, or I'd 've eventually been successful, of course."

"Sure, ya would've," Josh yawned and leaned against the wall, folding his arms over his chest. He was asleep within moments and Mac shook his head. He himself was used to falling asleep in all sorts of dreadful places and positions, but Josh far excelled him in this useful skill. In fact, Mac was wide awake. He stared at the dark sky and thought of Katie Stewart.

He had thought of her often since Ronnie had showed him her picture. Something in that smile of hers and those lovely eyes had touched him. It felt somehow as if he had always known her , even though he had never met her. It was as if there was some kind of connection linking him to her… he couldn't understand or explain it. But she was always on his mind. 

Ronnie had told him just a few days ago that Katie had gotten news her fiance had been killed in Guadalcanal. That night, Mac had sent up a prayer for her. Poor little thing, coping with such sorrow. He thought of her picture, saw her sweet face in his mind, and smiled sadly. He was wishing suddenly that he could have taken the place of her fiance. At least that man had been lucky enough to be loved by such an angel before he died. Mac felt that if he had been so lucky himself, he would have died happy and felt that his life hadn't been in vain. He would only have regretted leaving her. 

"Katie," he whispered aloud in the darkness. "You don't know me, lassie… oh, I wish you did. If only you knew how your sweet smile has carried me through these days of pure hell. Pardon the language of course, an angel like you wouldn't know the meaning of such a word." He grinned and shifted his position, kicking at Josh until he mumbled sleepily and moved over. Now at least Mac could stretch out one leg. He pressed his boot against the opposite wall, flexing the stiffness out of his cramped muscles. After a minute he switched legs.

"Maybe someday, Katie," he added, still whispering. "Maybe someday, somehow, we'll meet. And then I can see that beautiful smile in real life and tell you how much it's meant to me. I'd give anything just to have a picture of you myself to carry… right here against my heart. If I knew you, Katie, I know one thing for sure. I'd love you, girl. I'd love you with all my heart and soul and never let you go."

✯✯✯

"You won't believe this," Josh was talking with his mouth full, as usual, and he could barely be understood. The troops had retreated back from front lines for a few days rest and the units were all scrambled together. But Josh spoke to the lot of them as if they knew who he was talking about. "Emma's gone and met some guy and she won't stop talking about him." He rolled his eyes.

"Who's Emma?" a private called out. Josh grinned sheepishly.

"Girl I know," he took a huge bite out of his D-ration chocolate bar and made a horrible face. Shuddering, he chewed a few times in exaggerated horror and swallowed hard.

"Who's the guy?" A lieutenant pressed.

"Mm... Some guy named Nathan Craig." Josh glared as he said the name. "Damn him, moving in on my girl. If I ever meet him face to face, he'll regret it. I'll tie his ears in a bow under his chin."

"He'll do it to, you'd better believe it," Mac grinned. The lieutenant smiled wryly.

"Well, I'll be sure to warn this Nathan Craig then."

"You know him?" Josh asked. The lieutenant nodded, laughing.

"Yep, I know him alright. And you... must be Josh Hayes?"

"How'd ya know?"

"I think your reputation has preceded you," the lieutenant laughed again and walked off, shaking his head. Mac turned to Josh with a strange grin on his face.

"I thought you said she wasn't your girl."

"Well..." Josh blushed and leaned down quickly, pretending to adjust his boot laces. "She isn't... But..." He dropped the sentence there. 

"D'ya know who that was?" Mac nodded in the direction the lieutenant had taken. Josh's head shot up and his eyes went wild. Mac laughed and shook his head. "On second thought, I won't tell you. Don't wanna try explaining that one to the medics..."