TDTLBU Chapter Thirty

Three days. Three days was all they were given for saying their goodbyes to all they had ever known. It was the end of July and by the first of August… only three days away… they would be on a ship, heading for a dim and unknown future. No one knew what to expect. They were all afraid, every one of them… some just hid it better than others.

"You can go anywhere and do whatever you want," they were told. "Only be in New York by o’six-hundred hours sharp on August 1st to report for duty. Trust me when I say you do not want to find out what will happen if you don't report on time. Every single one of you is expected to be there and eager to get going."

Most of the men who were within easy distance of home hightailed it back there for one last goodbye to family and friends. Many simply went out on the town, be it in Philadelphia, Manhattan, or wherever for a couple days of wild partying. The USO's were open for dancing and donuts and the bars for drinking. The MP's were busy those last few days.

Josh and Ronnie made it back to Jefferson for one more day. Things had changed drastically in the months since they had left. Most of the young men in town… all their old pals… had gone, scattered at training camps around the country. Jerry had sent word that he was already on ship and en route in the Pacific. More than that, he could not say.

Emma was gone that weekend that the boys came home. She had already left for overseas and no one knew exactly where she was. But something big was in preparation. And that was all she could tell them.

The moment the boys stepped off the train in Jefferson, Katie and Mickey flew at them wildly, both talking at once.

"It's terrible, really," Katie said as soon as Mickey ran out of breath. "Here I sit, just watching everyone move on through. Jerry was back two weeks go and now he's gone... And Emma left last week for good... And it's dreadful lonely here." Her lip trembled, but she was smiling. Katie was a brave little soul and she was facing her own battles with fierce courage. 

Ronnie barely heard his sister. He was glancing impatiently around the train station as if expecting to see Lissie there... Although he knew she wouldn't be. He turned to his mother, silent questions filling his eyes. She nodded and smiled, encouragingly.

"Go to her, Ronnie-boy."

Within the hour, he stood outside the Ryan's front door. It was Lissie who answered his knock, as he had hoped, but her smile faded when she saw him. She only stared at him in silence, taking in his uniform and the hopeful look on his face. He spoke first, although he didn't even know what to say.

"Hi, Lissie."

"Ronnie." She swallowed hard and forced a smile. "You're back."

"Yeah." He shifted uncomfortably. Normally she would have greeted him with a happy smile and maybe even a kiss. This was a new Lissie… a Lissie he had never known existed. "It's only for a couple of days," he added lamely.

"Did you get my letter?" She stepped out, closing the door behind her. He was surprised that she wasn't even going to invite him in.

"I… did." Ronnie sighed. 'Lissie…" he hesitated. "Can we walk? For old time's sake…"

She nodded.

"I'll get my jacket."

A few minutes later they were walking towards the green, side by side, just as they had so many many times before. Except this time, Lissie walked on the far side of the path, her hands in the pockets of her jacket and her face turned towards the ground. Ronnie felt himself wishing he hadn't come. He had hoped that what she said in her letter wasn't true. Maybe it was all a horrible nightmare and he'd wake up soon to find she still loved him. But seeing her now, cold as ice and silent, he knew somehow that it would never again be the same. Silently he cursed the war and his own stupidity for getting caught up in it. Maybe it wasn't too late. Maybe he could still back out and stay… for Lissie. 

But wait… what was he thinking? He had been through this time and time again. There simply was no question. This was something he had to do. He couldn't give it up simply because Lissie was mad at him for going. And yet... he loved her too much to let her go.

She had stopped and turned to face him, but still she wouldn't look at him. Ronnie disentangled himself from his thoughts and attempted to pull his wits together. He needed to say something… she was waiting for him to speak.

"Lissie…" he began hesitantly. "Lissie, I'm sorry."

"Sorry," she whispered. "Sorry for what? Sorry for joining the war? Sorry for becoming a soldier? Sorry for leaving me? Ronnie…" her voice broke. "Sorry doesn't fix this."

"What can I do, Lissie?" He spread his hands in a gesture of helplessness. "People are being killed. Someone's got to stop it."

"With more killing?" Lissie lifted her face at last and her eyes were scornful. "That doesn't even make sense. War is murder and murder is wrong. Thou shalt not kill!" Her voice rose angrily. She was almost shouting.

"Sometimes there is no choice," Ronnie countered. He was getting angry himself. "Think of David… David was a warrior. Remember? The Philistines were going to enslave the Israelites. Jab out the right eyes of the men and hurt the women and children. And David stopped it. How? By killing, Lissie, by killing evil to make a way for peace!"

"Death begets more death," Lissie snapped. "Fighting does not make a way for peace. Love your enemies, do good to those who despitefully use you."

"He bears not the sword in vain, for he is a minister of God," Ronnie quoted back at her. "A revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil." Don't you see, Lissie? God allows us to fight evil to destroy it, so peace can be restored! If we don't stop them, they'll just go on and on getting more and more powerful until they destroy the world! There is no good in them… They don't even know what peace is."

"And is there good in you, if you do the same thing as they and turn murderer?" Her words cut him to the marrow of his soul. He felt as if his heart had been torn from his body. 

"If you don't understand now, then you never will," he groaned.

She turned away, bowing her head. 

"I should go," she murmured. "It's no use to argue it out, Ronnie. There is no "us" anymore. I can't marry a man who would go off and kill others. I'm sorry." 

"Lissie." He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to him almost savagely. "If you only knew what you're doing to me…" he pulled her against his heart, surprised to find she didn't even resist. But when he kissed her, she pressed her lips tight together and wouldn't kiss him back. For a moment longer, he held on to her as if he could force her to love him again. But she was stiff and unyielding.

He released her and stepped back a few paces, his eyes fixed on her face. Her skin was white as ashes and her eyes dark. He turned and almost ran away.

"Goodbye, Ronnie," she whispered as he left. It was only when he had disappeared from view that she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears.

✯✯✯

That evening the Stewart's and Hayes' joined forces and had a picnic in the orchard in honor of the departing soldiers. Both boys practically gorged themselves on home cooking and by way of grand finale, devoured an entire apple pie between the two of them. Everyone stayed up late into the night reminiscing. Like they had before, they avoided the topic of war. Why spoil this last night home with worries of the future? 

But it didn't much matter where Ronnie was concerned. Donna took one look at his face when he came home from Lissie's and knew. His heart was broken and her own ached, but she said nothing. No need to make it worse for him. But she prayed with all the strength of a mother's love.

It seemed strange now, being in Jefferson after all those months in training. The food was too good, the atmosphere too peaceful. Myra was startled awake early the next morning by a racket from Josh's room and was astounded to find him doing push-ups as fast as he could. She tried to convince him back to bed for a few more hours of sleep, but he couldn't… even though he tried. Mickey woke up that same morning and stepped on Ronnie, who was laying on the floor. All he said by way of explanation was that the bed was just too soft. 

They left late in the evening of the second day for an overnight train to New York. This second farewell was harder than the first, for no one knew if they would even be returning. It was a rainy, dreary, miserable night. Somehow, the future looked very bleak.