TDTLBU Chapter Twenty-Two

Ronnie stood on the Ryan’s front step, staring warily at the door. All he had to do was step forward and knock. But somehow, that seemed too hard a thing to do. He swallowed hard, annoyed with the lump in his throat. A wild gust of wind blew over him and he shuddered, although he was certain it wasn’t the cold that made him do it. Shoving his hands deeper in his pockets, he took a tentative step backwards. He stumbled, slipping as his heel hung over the edge of the step, but he regained his balance quickly. Taking a deep breath, he stepped up again, this time straight up to the door. But as he was raising his hand to knock, the door opened and there Melissa stood, like a ray of sunshine spilling out into the frozen, dark night.

"Ronnie." There was something about the way she said his name that sent a thrill straight through to his soul. She looked to him like an angel that night, dressed in pale blue with silvery-gold hair falling in soft waves to her shoulders. And suddenly, he was more nervous than ever before. A thousand times more. He opened his mouth even as he racked his mind for wild excuses, but she interrupted his tumbling thoughts.

"Won't you please come in? Daddy's busy in his study with the newspaper and Mama's in the kitchen, so they won't bother us. I just took an angel food cake out of the oven and there's a big piece with your name on it."

"Guess I… can't refuse that offer, can I?" Ronnie grinned, hoping he didn't look as pale as he felt. Melissa shooed him into the living room with a mixed air of hospitable importance and girlish excitement and disappeared off into the kitchen. Ronnie had a rough five minutes of it before she returned with thick slices of glazed angel cake and glasses of milk and an even rougher fifteen minutes as he tried to force the cake down with an air of enjoyment while she chattered on about every trivial little thing imaginable. When she finally lapsed into silence, he set his half-finished cake aside and set himself to accomplish what he had set out to do, regardless of the situation.

"I've got a lot to say," he swallowed hard, feeling the blood rise in his cheeks as he felt suddenly… afraid, somehow. She simply looked back at him curiously, waiting in silence for him to actually say what he meant to say. 

Spit it out, idiot, he mentally snapped at himself. "I… uh… I enlisted last night."

"You did what?" Melissa returned calmly, the look on her face blank and unregistering.

"I enlisted. In the army."

"The army?" Still in that deadly calm, uncomprehending voice.

"Yeah. The army. I leave for training in three weeks."

“Ronnie… you mean to say that… that you're going to war?"

"I guess you can put it that way, yeah."

He could see that his words were beginning to sink in. Her face turned white, and then gray. Three shades of gray, in swift succession. The look in her eyes seemed so pained… so confused… 

"You…you're a… a soldier, Ron." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"Yeah."

"When are you leaving?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about." Ronnie stood abruptly, shoving his hands into his pockets and pacing restlessly across the room. "I've only got three weeks, Lissie. It's not what I planned… but times have changed. And anyway…" he broke off with a sigh, bending his head as he adjusted his glasses. She only stared at him in silence, her lips moving as if she wanted to speak, but no words came out.

"The truth is, Lissie," he lifted his head, staring back at her, his eyes suddenly filled with longing. "The truth is that… I love you." Her face was nearly the color of ashes now, but he didn't notice. She rose to her feet, slowly, shakily, her gaze never leaving his face as he stammered on. "I… I can't go over there without…" he paused again, his eyes searching hers as if silently seeking the answer.

"What is it, Ron?" Her voice trembled, but she stood her ground.

"I know it's a lot to ask, considering the situation, but… will you… marry me?" He looked at her with such pleading earnestness that she almost smiled, but the smile faded before it reached her lips. She shook her head, so faintly, that he thought he had only imagined the slight movement. Nervously, he reached out to clutch her hand in both of his.

"It's up to you when," he rushed on hastily, his words tripping over each other in his eagerness. "We can get married now… this week… and have a honeymoon before I leave… or we can wait and get married when I get home just…" his grip on her hand tightened. "Just please say yes, Lissie."

"No." Her voice was quiet, but firm.

"No?" He repeated, staring at her in sudden surprise. 

"No." She stated again, her voice louder this time. "I… I can't marry you, Ronnie." He didn't answer, and she lifted her chin in determination, though tears clung to her lashes. "I wish you the best of everything and… and God protect you over there but I… can't…" Her voice trailed away and she took a tentative step back, pulling her hand from his grasp. "I can't." A single tear slipped free, sliding slowly down her cheek.

"Not ever?" Ronnie held out his hands beseechingly. "I can wait, Lissie, as long as…"

"Not ever." Melissa bit her lip, willing her tears to stop falling. 

“Lissie…” he breathed, his eyes suddenly wild with fright. “Lissie… why?”

“I can’t…” she shook her head again, not looking at him. “I’m sorry… I…”

But he had turned abruptly, moving away from her with rapid strides, his back stiff. 

"Ronnie… wait…" she called after him, her voice breaking. But he never looked back. She sank weakly on the couch as she heard the door shut behind him with an air of finality. Wrapping one arm around her stomach, she pressed her other hand to her aching head. She was shaking, trembling all over. 

"I can't…" she whispered, her tears falling freely. “Oh dear God…” she gasped suddenly, crying out as she buried her face in the pillows on the couch. “Dear God… help me bear it…”