The Lady of My Choosing Chapter Six

 Chapter Six

Have Courage and Hope

    Caroline was painfully aware of anxious whispers and the touch of gentle hands on her head. She felt dizzy, everything seemed to be spinning. It hurt so badly! She was afraid to open her eyes. And, though it hurt to think, she found herself trying desperately to remember. Oh, yes. Prince David had proposed. The king and queen had tried to force her to accept him. And from there on it was a blur... the horrified gasp of the court as she defied royal authority, the horror of the queen's words, the look on John's face as she fled the room...

    "John!" she cried out almost deliriously. She couldn't think! What had happened? She had been riding out in the dark, the snow, the wind... she remembered falling... then she had suddenly felt warm again... she had heard his voice... where was he?

    At her cry, someone had moved quickly to her side and was holding her wrist, feeling her pulse. With great effort, she opened her eyes and found a pair of kind, sympathetic grey eyes looking back at her. The man was middle-aged, somewhat portly, with strands of grey in his dark hair. And he had the kindest face she had ever seen.

    "Who are you?" she whispered.

    "I am the doctor, milady. Doctor Tremayne."

    "The doctor?" she groaned. "What has happened?"

    "I'm afraid you took a fall, milady. And you were out in the cold for some time."

    "John was there... where is John..." Caroline couldn't think clearly. She tried to struggle to sit but Dr. Tremayne gently held her down, shaking his head.

    "Don't try to sit up, milady. John, I believe, is the young man who found you and brought you back. I didn't speak to him, but they said that he was very concerned about you."

    "He... found me?" Caroline frowned. "I thought I heard his voice... I..."

    "Just try to get some rest, milady. You will feel better after you sleep." He groaned suddenly and clutched his heart, breathing heavily.

    "Are you all right?" Caroline gasped, suddenly alarmed.

    "Don't trouble yourself about me, milady." he smiled. "I've a weak heart. I don't really worry about it, it's just that I fear for my daughter if ever anything..." he trailed off, and shook his head. "But why should I talk of my troubles? You are the patient here, not me. And I insist that you get your rest."

oOo

    The following days were dreadful ones, especially for both Caroline and John. Caroline, because she was in great pain, feverish and delirious, and John because he feared for her, although no one ever knew just how worried he was. Doctor Tremayne stayed with Caroline night and day, doing all he could in spite of the frequent pains in his heart.

    Poor Queen Edith was in high dudgeon during those days, and difficult to manage. Lady Allison had her hands full trying to please the cantankerous queen and failing utterly. Queen Edith simply refused to be satisfied with anyone less than Lady Caroline. The blizzard intensified, but Prince David insisted on leaving in spite of the storm. He left the very next day, in a whirl of falling snow and howling, frigid winds.

    "I can't say I'm sorry to see him go," the king remarked to his wife, which irritated her exceedingly. "He didn't seem a very pleasant fellow, though it would have been an excellent match. We shall simply have to try again, my dear."

    "She'll have more sense next time, I hope." the queen remarked. "She was just overly nervous."

    Caroline's brother had come to the castle as soon as he heard the news of her accident. Their father was not doing well those days and couldn't venture from home but sent his love and best wishes. And Caroline was so glad to see Charles. She knew he wasn't exactly the brightest person and greatly lacking in sense, but she doted on her older brother and was relieved when he arrived.

    "My dearest sister!" Charles was genuinely alarmed when they brought him to her room and he hurried to Caroline's side, taking her hand in his. "I have been so worried, I just couldn't believe it when they told me, I simply could not. Father is most distressed, I assure you, most distressed. You simply must get well, and soon. Oh, this is just dreadful. Simply dreadful!"

    "I'm all right, Charles," Caroline laughed weakly. "Don't fret so."

    "But I must, dear sister! I cannot help feeling so worried, you are the only sister I have and I love you dearly, indeed, I do!"

    "Dearest brother," she murmured, closing her eyes with a smile. "You are a great comfort."

    "I could not help but feel upset, indeed, I was most upset, when I heard you had refused Prince David." Charles continued, not thinking.

    "You too?" Caroline's eyes flew open and she looked rather hurt. "I couldn't... he was really, truly dreadful, Charles. I couldn't possibly marry him. Why must everyone insist on it?"

    "I'm so sorry, sister Caroline!" Charles looked rather distressed at her words. "Indeed, I am. I shouldn't have spoken so, really, it was rather thoughtless of me. What I meant to say is that it really did seem such an excellent match, indeed it truly did."

    "But it was so wrong," Caroline whispered. "So wrong."

    "I do hope that you will make a good match, indeed I do, my dear sister. But I do hope that you will be happy, truly I do. I hope you will always be happy."

    "I know you do," Caroline answered, relieved. "You have always been the best of brothers."

oOo

    As the days flew by, Caroline regained her strength. The fever left her and it was such a relief to no longer feel such a sharp and constant pain. She returned to her duties as attendant to Queen Edith and the elderly queen was vastly relieved. During Caroline's absence, she had driven all the other inhabitants of the palace to distraction but now that her favorite lady-in-waiting was with her again, she was pleased. All was well with her world.

    "Perhaps it is a good thing that Caroline didn't accept the prince's offer," the king remarked to his wife. "Poor mother can't seem to live without her."

    "But she must be married and it must be a suitable match," Queen Elinor insisted. "What think you of the prince of Neuburg? That's a promising alliance?

    "Perhaps, my dear, perhaps. But I think that we should focus more on Edward at the moment. Give Caroline time to recover, you know, now that Edward seems to have recovered himself from that last attempt. Perhaps Carolsfeld... that's an important consideration. The Princess Selena of Carolsfeld, yes. That's something to consider! I shall start seeing about negotiations as soon as possible."

    "Excellent." Queen Elinor was pleased, though she still longed to make a match for Caroline. Of course, though, Edward was more important. If only he wasn't so stubborn! Why... he was more difficult than Caroline!

    Although she had recovered her full health, it soon became evident that something was greatly changed in the Lady Caroline. She was quieter, solemner. Her eyes seemed always to be serious and troubled and a shadow seemed to have settled over her whole being. She hid it well but there were times when the wistful longing in her eyes could not be ignored. She was suffering in silence.

    Months went by and, for a time, all seemed as it should be. The king and queen still quarreled daily over alliances and matches, usually resulting in the king going to puzzle over the whole confusing mess in the company of his chamberlain and chancellors while the queen went off to sulk in the company of her ladies-in-waiting. Caroline spent most of her time with Queen Edith but still took time for riding. It was only then that she truly seemed happy. It was now Edward's turn to be matched up and he resented this angrily. Negotiations with Carolsfeld had, indeed, been made and Edward would soon have to travel to the foreign kingdom to meet his prospective bride.

    "And may she respond to your offer with more favor than did the lady Caroline to Prince David," the king had said.

    "Not likely she'll have to respond at all," Edward had said, under his breath.

    The summer had passed uneventfully. After the dreadful calamity that had occurred the winter before, the king and queen had been rather careful in their dealings with Caroline. Beauvai had been rather angry about the disturbing incident and many negotiations had to be made before peace was restored. The court seemed to breath a sigh of relief. The issue was past and now new plots could be made.

    Winter was fast approaching again. Caroline was nineteen years of age by this time, and still unmarried. But she was not eager to be married. She had decided that if she could not have the one she loved, she would not have anyone at all. For she was discovering, more and more each day, that she had lost her heart... to a servant.

    A few days before Prince Edward's journey to Carolsfeld, Caroline persuaded him and John to go for a ride through the meadow once more.

    "After all," she had said, "You'll both be gone so long. And it will be rather lonely here. We won't get a chance to ride together again for a long while!"

    It was good, so good, to be galloping along the river's edge and across the hills of the plains. Caroline tossed her head back to catch the last few golden rays of autumn sunshine. Somehow, when she was riding, she was always able to forget her troubles. They seemed to fly away with the wind that swept past her.

    The day came for the prince's departure and the court was in a fever of excitement. As Edward entered the throne room to bid his parents farewell and receive their last-minute instruction, Caroline caught John's eye. He was standing not far from her and, as all other attention was absorbed in the prince, she left Queen Edith's side and slipped towards him.

    "I shall miss you, while you are away," she spoke softly, knowing it would not do to be caught talking with him while in the throne room. Protocol was a bothersome thing, it was always getting in the way, determining where you should speak, what you should say, and with whom.

    "And I shall miss you as well, Lady Caroline," he answered. "I hope all will be well with you."

    "And with you," she returned, glancing nervously toward the monarchs. They were still busy with Edward.

    "Have courage, Lady Caroline." he whispered. "Have courage and hope, always hope. God be with you."

    "May He be with you also" Caroline murmured, blinking back tears as she quickly moved back towards the dowager queen. The prince was taking his leave now, he bowed to his parents, John followed suit, and then they were gone.